Axis Point
by Zandra's Ashes
Summary: Post- Adrift AU. After three years, Elizabeth was again at risk of losing her job, her closest friendship, and maybe her life. A stronger, wiser version of herself might have avoided the situation, but she'd ignored the warning bells for too long. If she survived, she knew she had to seek more of out life. An axis point in her world beyond the Stargate program. Beyond John.
1. Chapter 1

Elizabeth sat in the conference room, staring blankly at her laptop. She should have been reviewing her agenda since it wasn't just a run of the mill staff meeting that day. Instead, she was mulling over a message from Samantha Carter. There should only be so many ways to dissect a message saying they needed to talk, but her brain was nothing if not adept at spinning every possible negative scenario.

She pulled her coffee closer, huddling towards the heated steam billowing from the mug. Breakfast would have been a good idea. Tylenol even better. A jacket, she added to the tally as she shivered. The morning air seemed too brisk, and the lighting above too bright, but she knew the environment wasn't responsible for her growing list of discomforts. It had been months since she'd had a panic attack, but she recognized all the signs webbing through her body. It was no wonder. Sam's message had been brief and infuriatingly vague, yet somehow those handful of words tapped into her greatest fear, drudging up the darkest of her memories.

It had been three years since she'd almost lost her life to the Asurans, and there had been no repercussions, no reprimands, though she and John had given them plenty of fodder for both. Sam had been there. She was one of the few who knew everything, which meant undoubtedly Jack knew everything too. Elizabeth had been waiting for the other shoe to drop ever since, but that moment had never come.

Three years, she thought, her mind determinedly pulling her along for a trip down memory lane. It was more like leading her straight to the heart of her worst nightmare, and her muscles tremored as unwanted images flooded her mind.

The Asurans had been creative in their cruelty. After taking her captive, they'd stripped the nanites from her body as they'd pulled apart her mind. Her cells had already become dependent on the nanites, and the swift and crude cleansing almost killed her, which of course, had been their intent and expectation.

They'd seemed to have grown tired of her by the time John had shown up. She hadn't even noticed him when they'd dumped her back in the cell. Her first memories were his arms around her, and his voice whispering in her ear. She was near catatonic for days before she started digging her way out of the fog, but even then, she'd refused to leave the shelter of his arms.

"Hey," John said as he paused in the doorway.

She looked up, and his wide, lopsided grin started warming her from within. Her heart had been beating erratically from the anxiety that had claimed her body, and she felt it settle back into a steady, if still somewhat fast rhythm.

"Sheppard," Lorne called from somewhere further down the hall.

John threw her an apologetic look as Lorne arrived, claiming his attention.

She studied the concentration on John's face as he listened, watched as his posture straightened. He'd changed since she'd been taken, changed in a way few of the crew had yet to recognize. He still joked, he still slouched at the conference table, and he was still perpetually late with most paperwork that crossed his desk. But when it was time to get serious, he worked with a laser-sharp focus that was magnified beyond the intensity he was already known for. He was tense beneath the surface, quicker to snap when someone slipped up, and more rigid in his orders, all a sharp contrast to how much he'd softened with her.

Her heart still pulsed rapidly, and she took deep breaths, steadying her breathing, and trying to focus. She'd been taught a dozen ways to ward off a panic attack, but there was only one thing that ever helped, turning the focus of those memories away from the pain and to the moments she'd spent with John. They'd always been close, but what happened with the Asurans had soldered the ties between them.

She only had fragmented memories of their escape in the Puddle Jumper and of her first days back on Atlantis. After her health improved enough, they'd moved her out of the infirmary and back to her quarters for privacy. She'd stayed sequestered away for two weeks while she'd…stabilized, seemed the most appropriate word. At that point, her mind had seemed more wrecked than her body. She couldn't remember John ever leaving her side, though she knew he must have. She'd been physically weak, mentally fatigued, and she'd trusted him to referee the others, reigning in their overwhelming kindness, allowing her time to rest and recover.

She could have done it alone, and maybe she should have pushed through the recovery alone, but facing death had changed her perspective on her relationship with John.

She racked her mind, combing back through those memories. There must have been times he'd left her side, but she had grainy memories of John rummaging through a duffle bag for clean clothes and of him eating from trays of food that had seemed to materialize several times a day. A select few memories were so vivid she could almost feel them when she closed her eyes. The scruff on his face burrowed against her neck. Did he even shave those weeks? The strength of his arms wrapped around her when she'd slept.

He'd never left her at night. She tried not to think about why that was her only absolute memory. Only Keller and Carter had been witness to the closeness they'd shared, and neither of them had mentioned it since. Neither had she or John.

"What's with the look?" John dropped into the chair beside her and leaned forward to scrutinize her laptop. "Never mind. That explains it."

He'd showered recently. She could smell the masculine scent of his body wash mixing with the familiar scent of his skin. His hair was damp, jutting out at all angles, looking a little out of control even for him.

His finger ran down her forearm. "Where's your jacket? You have goosebumps."

Her body relaxed as he rolled his chair flush against hers and leaned closer. It wasn't much to offer in the way of body heat, but he was her closest friend, and his presence alone still had the unique ability to settle her nerves when everything else failed. Her shivering subsided, her mind calmed, and she finally shoved away thoughts of Asurans and Sam's message, and she turned her focus to the now grumpy man at her side.

"Tell me you didn't make this schedule, Elizabeth."

"I can tell you that," she said, offering an innocent grin, "but we both know it would be a lie."

They were leaving the following morning for their annual three-month stint at running the SGC, and their schedule for their first week back on Earth filled the screen of her laptop.

He handed over her cup of coffee. "Drink some more of this. You're obviously not thinking clearly yet. We've got to fix this schedule." He tossed a power bar her way. "Eat some of this while you're at it. Mess hall staff already ratted you out. I know you didn't eat."

"You need a haircut," she said, hoping to divert him before he could lecture her. She could practically sense him inventorying all the ways she was failing to properly care for herself, but in truth, she was much better than she used to be. She had to be.

"My hair is fine," John said.

She reached out, poking at an errant spike of hair. "This is not fine."

He mock scowled and swatted her hand away. "Stop. You know messing with it only makes it worse."

"Then get it cut when we get back to Earth."

He blanched. "You remember what happened the last time."

"You really are turning into a grumpy old man if you're uncomfortable with a flirtatious woman cutting your hair."

"She took forever on purpose. I had to laugh at all her anecdotes too. I was afraid she'd screw up my hair if I wasn't nice. It would be easier if you'd cut it for me"

She laughed. "No way am I taking responsibility for your hair."

"You're no help," he said, directing a pouting look her way. "And did you really call me a grumpy old man?"

She tried to temper her smile. "I can go with you. Stand in the corner and throw dirty looks her way if she flirts too much."

"Now that I would pay good money to see." He leaned forward, bracing his upper body on his elbows as he continued reading her screen. "Not that you left me any time for a haircut. Can't we even have a day off before you throw us head first into Stargate Command operations?"

"You're just disappointed we'll have to wait a few hours to get to that steakhouse you like," she teased as the familiar cadence of their banter continued to lighten her mood. While neither she or John liked leaving Atlantis, they had learned to appreciate some of the benefits. "It's taken Mitchell and Carter weeks to get here, and Landry leaves for D.C. tonight. We have to start when we arrive tomorrow morning."

He sat back, and raked his hand through his hair. "It's not like they'd burn the place down in one day."

"You remember what happened the last time Stargate Command was left untended. We can still have steak tomorrow night. We just have to get through the workday first."

"One evil alien escapes from base, and they ruined it for everyone," he muttered.

Her eyes flicked over to John. Despite his jesting tone, his expression was somber. "Hey." She tapped his arm. "You're not the only one who'll miss Atlantis. And-"

"Atlantis was still standing the last time we returned. They'll be okay. You keep telling me that, but it kind of sounds like you're still trying to convince yourself."

"So critiquing my bedside manner isn't enough? Now I suck at giving pep talks too?"

He gave a little huff of laughter. "Your bedside manner is improving. I'll give you that."

"High praise from the critic," she said, trying not to dwell on how many hours she'd spent at his infirmary bedside. "And things are more stable here." It helped that the Wraith had bigger problems. Infighting and a few Atlantian successes had splintered their infrastructure, sending them venturing beyond the galaxy in search of new feeding grounds. "Besides, who knows what you might get to take for a spin this time. You liked flying the Al'Kesh."

"Maybe I can round up a Death Glider this time." A childlike grin claimed John's face. "Flying one of those would almost make it worth the trip."

She sipped her coffee trying not to cringe at the thought. Just the name of that ship was enough to make her shudder, though it wasn't like she and John would be walking into the midst of the Ori war. Even the G'ould empire had fallen, but there were still frequent incidents from multiple sources that had to be dealt with. They'd also been tracking reports of a small, unknown fleet slipping in and out of a neighboring galaxy, leaving pockets of destruction in their wake. It was a tiring thought. No matter what they accomplished, there seemed no shortage of evil in the universe.

"I know it's just three months a year," John said, "but I guess I thought O'Neill would let up after the first couple years. We know Stargate Command Operations inside and out. Carter and Mitchell can handle Atlantis. Contingency plan covered."

"It wasn't an easy decision for him, and he made it during a hard time for the Stargate program." She'd been taken by the Asurans. John had disappeared – alone- on a mission to rescue her. Landry had suffered a heart attack, and the remaining senior leadership had been taxed as they tried to fill in the gaps. When the dust settled, and everyone was back where they were supposed to be, O'Neill had instituted the drastic change.

"I know why he did it," John said. "Forget I said anything."

She eyed him carefully. As close as they were, talk of the Asurans still hit a raw nerve for them both, and he diverted whenever they skirted too close to the subject. "Landry's role is changing too," she said. "He's been working with O'Neill in Washington for the past six months. If Jack retires, that will probably become a permanent post. That's one less person to cover the base."

"Retires?" John's eyes widened. "I can't imagine the program without him."

Neither could she, but she'd always found Jack easy to read, and the signs were there. It was want he wanted, but he was having a hard time letting go.

"So, what's up with the weekend schedule?" He pointed at the screen. "You have a ton of stuff scheduled. We usually have weekends off when we're on Earth."

Elizabeth chewed her lip as she set her coffee to the side. She wasn't looking forward to working all weekend either, and her body was no longer forgiving of her penchant for grueling schedules. These days, she had to make a conscientious effort to eat right and get enough sleep or she'd pay dearly for the neglect. "I'll make you a deal. Give me Saturday, and I'll clear Sunday's schedule."

"Sold. But, Sunday we've got to go to-"

"That Italian place?" Her stomach rumbled when John nodded in affirmation. "I'm already hungry. Speaking of which, we'll need to get groceries."

"What do you mean we? You need to get groceries. You make me do the cooking. That's our deal."

She smiled as she relaxed back against her chair. "Your self-imposed deal. You always insist on doing the cooking. I'd be more than happy to cook."

His jaw dropped open, and he seemed too horrified by the thought of her cooking to see through her lie. "You hate cooking," he reminded. "And you set off the fire alarm every time you try."

"That only happened twice, and both times were your fault for distracting me."

"It happened more than twice, and you know it."

"You distracting me?" She arched a brow towards him. "That definitely happened more than twice."

John's stare shifted into more of a simmering gaze, and she drew in a deep cleansing breath to steady herself. They'd forged a special bond, one they'd decided not to risk considering their mutually crappy track records with love. John had made some headway into repairing his relationship with his brother, and she had her mother, but they were closer to each other than anyone else.

"We can hit that little grocery store we like," John said. "It'll be on the back from the restaurant on Sunday."

"We should go there Saturday night. There's still no wine sales on Sunday."

"Not going to happen." He shook his head. "We're not going to a grocery store on our first Saturday night back. I've got something else in mind for then."

"What are we doing Saturday night?" she asked.

"You'll see."

Her heart skipped, and she swallowed hard. He didn't always make this easy. Deciding to keep things platonic had opened John up to her in a way he hadn't been able to before. They were comfortable in each other's presence in a way they both admitted they hadn't managed with anyone else, but when he planned surprises on a Saturday night, it was too easy to imagine him playing a much different role in her life.

 _Groceries. Focus_. And she wasn't supposed to drink alcohol anymore. How easily she'd forgotten. She could go to the store on Saturday morning before work, but the only thing she hated more than working on the weekend was waking up early on the weekend. "We could order groceries in this week," she said. "We'll just have to make sure we get home in time to accept the delivery."

"Are we sure they're not living together?" Rodney's voice cut through the room. "They sound like an old married couple."

Jennifer laughed. "What married couple do you know that likes each other that much?"

Elizabeth startled as she realized that in addition to Rodney and Jennifer, Teyla, Ronon, and Carson were gathered outside the door. Their expressions ran the gamut from amusement to Rodney's outright shock. They were looking at each other, oblivious John and Elizabeth had noticed their arrival.

She exchanged a quick glance with John, not surprised to see the same flare of alarm in his eyes that she'd felt rip through her heart. He moved his chair- as if an inch further away really made a difference- and strummed his fingers on the table.

"I think it is wonderful that they are getting some time to enjoy themselves," Teyla said.

"Sounds more like they're enjoying each other." Rodney yelped as Ronon smacked the back of his head. "Will you cut it out? Just think about it. This will be their third rotation, and this little work marriage thing of theirs just gets more annoyingly blatant each time they return. They'll be unbearable the next time they come back."

It would be too easy to snap and verbally admonish Rodney, but for whatever reason, she knew their friendship bothered Rodney. Elizabeth had a better idea on how to handle him.

"I've been dreaming about the pastries from the coffee shop on the corner." She gave John a little wink the others couldn't see.

The corners of his lips twitched as he glanced back at Rodney. "What are you hungry for most? Chocolate croissants, cake, or-"

"Donuts," she said, remembering Rodney's fondness for them, but then again, the man seemed fond of anything that contained sugar. "Or cupcakes. Turtle or red velvet or-"

"Oh my god, are you trying to torture me?" Rodney whined.

Elizabeth tried to hide her smile as the others filtered into the room.

John cleared his throat. "And not that our living arrangements are any business of yours, but-"

"We have separate apartments, Rodney." Elizabeth cut John off before he made it worse by mentioning the apartments the SGC kept for their use were side by side. It was a waste of money. They spent all their time together in one of the two apartments, and they'd fallen asleep on the same couch more often then she could count.

"You heard that? So you were trying to torture me." Rodney sank down heavily in his chair. "Tell me more about this steakhouse and the Italian place. I'll be there the last week you are. I should probably check them out."

"You know, with Elizabeth being in charge of your schedule and all, I wouldn't count on very much down time," John said.

Rodney's face morphed into a full on pout as he turned to Teyla. "They're going to punish me for months for a couple of astute observations. That's hardly fair."

"If you were nicer, we might bring you some of those things back," John said.

Rodney's expression turned hopeful as his eyes swung back their way. "Really?"

"No. Probably not." John nudged her. "Do you need some Tylenol?"

"Not yet." She had a feeling her headache would subside by the time she finished the coffee. "How did you know?"

"The same way I always do. You do this thing with your eyes." His brows raised towards her. "You know what happens when you wait too long to take medicine."

"What's wrong? Not feeling well?" Carson asked.

"I'm fine," she said.

"She's not fine. She has a headache," John said, earning him a glare from her in return.

"He's right," Carson said. "You remember what happened the last time you didn't take anything early to ward it off. We had to give you migraine medicine."

"You passed out," John reminded. "I had to carry you back to the infirmary."

"That was only because I hadn't slept in over twenty-four hours. I hadn't eaten either. This isn't like that headache, I promise."

"Elizabeth," Carson's voice softened. "That was before-"

"I know." She quickly cut him off. "Can we talk about this later?"

"Before what?" John swiveled his chair sideways, giving her his full attention. "What's Carson talking about?"

She lowered her voice and tucked her head towards him. "My white blood cell count has been a little off. Keller must have already told him." From the corner of her eyes, she caught a glimpse of Carson's mouth opening slightly, but she ignored it, instead focusing on John's hand as it closed around her knee.

"Why didn't you say something?" His voice was barely audible. "What does that mean?"

She hesitated. "I've been fighting off a cold or something."

"Or something? Like what?"

Telling him would be tattling on herself, and she wasn't sure he'd ever forgive her from keeping this from him. It wasn't something she'd been battling for just a week, it was something she'd been struggling with for three years, ever since she'd come back from Asuras.

A sin of omission was one thing, but she was struggling to find the words to sidestep with his eyes locked upon hers and his thumb rubbing against her knee.

"How many work husbands should one person have?" Rodney hissed loudly, saving Elizabeth as John broke his gaze and turned back towards the table. "I think Elizabeth has more than her fair share."

There was a time a comment like that would have made John shutter off, but over the years, he'd stopped giving a damn what anyone thought about their friendship. She wasn't surprised to see a full blown smirk cross his face.

Her hand closed over his, and she squeezed slightly before moving his hand from her knee. His familiar gesture was more intimate than mere friendship, but she'd become skilled at shoving those thoughts into the darkest corner of her mind and blocking them out.

"Rodney, will you stop running your bloody mouth?" Carson said. "You're never as quiet as you think you are. We can hear every word you're saying."

"Ignore him." John squeezed her hand back before he allowed her to let go. "I think he's just jealous."

"Are you jealous, Rodney?" Jennifer looked amused. "Because if you want your own work husband, I think we should talk."

"He already has a work husband." John shrugged when all eyes turned towards him. "What? We've all heard him bickering with Zelenka. Actually, if you count Carson, he does have more than one work husband."

"What do you mean, if you count Carson?" Rodney said as a scowl covered his face.

"You did kiss him," John said.

"Hey, that was Cadman, not me!" Rodney's face flushed. "You can't hold that against me."

"Why'd you have to remind me?" Carson winced. "He'd lips like sandpaper."

"Carson, I don't think I officially welcomed you back. It's good to see you at the table with us," Elizabeth said, hoping to shift the direction of conversation. If they kept talking about who'd kissed who, her own face would be red within minutes.

Carson returned to Atlantis each year when John was on Earth so they'd have someone on standby who could rotate shifts in the chair with Lorne if an emergency arose. The rest of the time, he was continuing to offer medical assistance to the many worlds throughout the Pegasus Galaxy.

"I think the hug at the gate was welcome enough, but thank you," Carson said.

"You got a hug?" John's eyes narrowed. "I feel like I got the short end of the work husband stick."

"You were the one she kissed," Carson said.

Elizabeth's heart seized. "What?"

"Did you forget about the hostile aliens taking over your body?" Rodney asked.

"What kiss did you think I was talking about?" Carson leaned closer, his eyes gleaming with curiosity.

She glanced over at John. He avoided her eyes and tugged on his collar.

"Sounds like we're late." Cameron Mitchell strolled in the room casually playing catch with a lemon.

"Oh, god." Rodney slumped back against his chair. "It's you again."

Cameron plopped down beside Rodney. He didn't speak, he just put the lemon on the table with a slow deliberate movement that left Rodney squirming and edging his chair away.

"Is it too late to request to come with you?" Rodney said, casting a pleading look her way.

"I thought you'd be happy to see me, Rodney," Sam said as she took the seat beside Elizabeth.

"Oh. I didn't see you there. I am." His tone was a little too eager, and he winced as Jennifer's elbow neatly caught his ribs. "I mean, It's good to, uh…"

She glanced over towards Sam as Rodney's voice trailed off. "Sorry about the bickering you probably overheard."

"You don't have to apologize to me. I know what it's like when you work with the same people every day for years. According to Walter, I have several work husbands myself. Isn't that right, Cam? Apparently, he's my fourth."

Cameron ran a hand down over his face. "We haven't even been here an hour, Carter. Can you cut me some slack?"

"We're family," Sam grinned. "That means I get to be tougher on you than anyone else."

"Explain to me again why that's a good thing?" Cameron said.

John got up and walked over to Cameron. He said something Elizabeth couldn't hear, and Cameron turned red as he tried to hold in his laughter.

Sam leaned closer. "Did Jack talk to you? About the six month-"

"Yes," Elizabeth said quickly as her eyes darted to John. She hadn't told him that O'Neill was considering increasing their rotations to three months twice a year after realizing that John and Cameron were better about sitting out non-essential missions when they were away from their home base. Both men had reached the point where their experience made them too much of an asset to risk out in the field each day. Their leadership roles would be redefined as they were groomed for their next promotion and, while most soldiers might jump at that opportunity, she wasn't sure either man was ready for that kind of change.

John looked over to her, and his eyes tightened almost imperceptibly in silent question. Her whole body had tensed the moment Sam brought up the biannual rotations, and it had taken him less than a second to register something was bothering her. She tried to relax and gave the tiniest of nods. His lips pressed together, but he let the moment pass without comment.

"After so many years of working together, it's hard to compartmentalize, isn't it?" Sam asked.

She tore her eyes away from John, realizing that Sam hadn't missed the lingering stare of their silent conversation.

"We should talk," Sam said. "Are you free for lunch?"

If it was the 'don't get too close to people you work with warning', they should have intervened three years ago, starting with John for disobeying orders, sneaking out on a half-assed solo rescue attempt that landed him in the cell with her on Asuras. They'd only escaped with the assistance of a few of the ascension seeking Asurans, the only ones who'd managed to overcome the assimilation updates.

"He's not talking about splitting us up, is he?" Elizabeth asked in a quiet voice only Sam could hear.

"You and John?" Sam shook her head. "Jack wouldn't do that. Not to you two, not after what happened on Asuras."

Elizabeth averted her eyes and swallowed down the last of her coffee.

"I shouldn't have mentioned it, Elizabeth. I'm sorry." Sam reached out and tapped her arm. "I didn't mean to give you the impression I had bad news, and I have an idea of getting us out of the six-month rotation, so don't worry about that either, but there's something else. Good news actually." Sam dropped her voice before continuing. "Carolyn said you've moved up on the UNOS transplant list. There's a chance it could happen during this rotation, and if so, we need to have a contingency plan in place to cover your absence."

"Are you serious?" she asked, feeling a surge of relief as Sam nodded. "No dialysis?"

"That's the hope," Sam said, giving her a warm smile.

Elizabeth tried to temper her smile and her hope. What happened on Asuras had irrevocably damaged her body, stressing it to the point it triggered the development of an autoimmune disorder. Lupus. The word still sounded foreign to herself. It was an incurable, but manageable disease if she took care of herself. The problem was, she'd ignored her symptoms, and her diagnosis had taken months. By then, her immune system had targeted her kidneys, and the damage had already been done.

She was facing dialysis treatments in the next six months if she didn't receive a transplant. If she were forced onto dialysis, she'd be indefinitely spending a considerable amount of time in the hospital for those treatments, and she wouldn't be able to hold onto her position.

She couldn't even imagine the look on John's face if she told him she was leaving Atlantis. The only thing worse would be telling him why. When she'd been diagnosed, it had seemed selfish to worry him or add to his guilt, but now every day that passed made her secret a harder cross to bear.

"Beyond the fact that you're making me nervous whispering over there, can we get this thing moving?" Cameron asked as his eyes panned between her and Sam.

John reclaimed his chair beside her. "Yeah. We kind of have plans."

"What kind of plans," Elizabeth asked, wondering what they were up to.

"I haven't been in a jumper underwater yet," Cameron said.

"He's hoping to meet Sam the whale," John said, shooting a wicked grin towards Rodney.

"What?" Sam asked.

"I thought we told you about it," John said. "McKay named-"

"You know what? I'm sure you did. I probably blocked it from memory, and I'd like to leave it that way," Sam said.

Elizabeth was still smiling when she looked back at Sam. "Sounds like I'll have plenty of time for that lunch."

"What lunch?" John asked. "We'll be back for lunch."

"Sorry, Elizabeth and I have some catching up to do." Carter said. "We can all meet for dinner tonight."

"They don't want us at lunch," Cameron said. "I was nervous before when they started whispering, but now I'm getting worried."

"Why? Afraid I'll tell her something embarrassing?" Sam said. "Like how you snore when you sleep?"

Cameron sighed heavily as he looked to the ground.

"What? How do you know he snores?" McKay asked.

Elizabeth rubbed her temple. She should have remembered from the last time. These turnover days always ended up feeling more like a high school reunion than a work event.

"You've never gotten stuck off-world overnight on a mission?" Sam asked.

"Oh, yes. Of course we have. Sheppard snores too," McKay said, offering up his best smarmy grin.

"I do not. Elizabeth tell them…" John's words trailed off as she knocked her knee against his under the table. His eyes went wide for a split second before his expression morphed back into a carefully controlled casual state. "Tell him to be quiet. Don't we have work to do?"

That they did, or they'd never get the turnover completed. "Yes. Let's begin," she said.

~TBC


	2. Chapter 2

John punched in the key code for the front door of her condo. "TV or bonfire?" he asked as he opened the door and followed her inside. "What do you think?"

"I think I ate too much." Her heels clicked across the sleek wooden floor as she headed into the kitchen and dropped her purse on the granite countertop.

Fire had damaged their old apartment complex since their last visit and the SGC had purchased the condos, citing cost savings measures as they could save on hotel fees by using them as lodging for other visiting officers and VIPs when Elizabeth and John weren't using them. Their two condos were still side by side and both opened to a small yard that butted up against a creek. They'd put up privacy fencing to the right of her unit and the left of his, creating a larger yard between the two of them.

The SGC had probably expected them to entertain, but as outgoing as John could be at work, he liked privacy during his down time. She'd never been the social butterfly, and she was usually too tired to even think about hosting a gathering, much less managing the energy to socialize until the last guest left. Even the pining ceremony they'd attended that night had been taxing. Thankfully John hadn't wanted to stick around for the after-party, and they'd skipped out early, tucking into the first restaurant they saw on the way home for dinner.

"How could you possibly be full?" John grabbed a bottle of beer from the fridge. "What was it you ordered again? Looked too healthy to be pub food."

"It may have looked healthy, but I don't know how it could be. It was too good."

"It was green."

She laughed. "Honey balsamic glazed Brussels sprouts."

"And a quinoa burger. On a Friday night." He opened the beer, sending the cap spiraling towards the recycling bin before taking a long sip of his beer. "You didn't even have wine."

"You didn't drink either."

"I was driving." He motioned down over his clothes. "And in uniform. Do you want a glass of wine now?"

He loosened his tie, and she slowly shook her head. He didn't like wearing his dress blues, but he looked good in them. Drinking would have been a bad idea, even she was allowed to drink, which she wasn't, but she was stubbornly avoiding the no alcohol conversation with him.

"Not a good idea. Too much food and too much work this week. You always complain about me falling asleep on you anyway."

"Coffee it is, then." John circled and switched on the Keurig.

The cupboards rattled, and he muttered something else about quinoa and Brussels sprouts as she stooped to unbuckle the straps on her heels

"I can hear you." The first shoe clattered to the floor, and she went to work on the next. "You need to stop giving me a hard time. I'm behaving. Eating healthy. Getting enough sleep. That usually makes you happy." And with that thought, she felt a fresh wave of guilt because he still didn't know the truth behind her lifestyle changes. "Actually, I need to talk to you about something."

He sucked in a harsh breath, and her neck snapped up. Her black dress was knee length with a deep v-neck. It was perfectly respectable when she was upright, but she was bent over, struggling with her last shoe, and she'd inadvertently presented him with a revealing view of her lacy black bra. She had on a light scarf over her shoulders, and she tugged it down to obstruct the view.

"John?" She freed her foot from her last heel and quickly straightened.

"What?" He raked his fingers through his hair. "Didn't you just say something about behaving? You should change out of that dress."

"Into something more comfortable?" She raised a brow towards him. The moment had passed for serious conversation, and she wasn't above a little well deserved teasing.

His eyes rolled to the side, and a sly smile tugged at the corner of his lips. He didn't respond; he just took another sip of his beer before setting it aside on the counter.

"I'm keeping on the dress. For a little longer anyway." She impulsively leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Thank you for dinner."

She paused in the doorway and glanced back, finding John still rooted in place. "Will you push start?"

"Hmm?" He blinked.

"The Keurig? It's ready to brew."

"Oh. Got it." John started the Keurig and followed her, tossing his tossing his tie on the dining room table, and then his jacket on the couch. "What are you doing?"

"You can watch TV if you want, but I want to sit outside for a little while."

"You're going to freeze."

"That's what the bonfire is for." She dropped her shawl on the ottoman and exchanged it for a throw. "And the blanket."

"Right," he scrubbed a hand down the back of his neck, keeping his eyes carefully fixed above her neckline. "Okay. Give me a minute."

It was more like minutes later when he joined her, but he'd been busy. He was barefoot and had changed into jeans and a button-down shirt. He left the back door of his condo open, and she could hear the acoustic guitar of a classic rock ballad flowing from inside. He squatted by the fire pit, slowly coaxing the flames to life. Seeming satisfied he stood up, loosely rolling up the sleeves on his shirt.

"I'm going to grab my beer. Need anything from inside?"

"Can you bring my coffee out?"

He nodded and disappeared into the shadows behind the flames.

She shut her eyes, inhaling deeply, drawing in the smoky scent of the burning wood, and listening to the fiery cracks as wood gave way to the flames. She'd just isolated the soft sounds of crickets chirping down near the creek as John dropped down beside her on the cushioned loveseat. He handed her the mug of coffee and took a sip of his beer. She drew her knees to her chest and wiggled her toes, tucking them under his leg. She sipped her coffee before putting it on the table beside her.

John frowned. "I told you. Should have changed."

"I think I jammed the zipper putting on my dress. Taking it off might require help, and that didn't seem like a good idea at the time.'

"So you'd rather freeze?" John reached over her, setting his beer next to her coffee. "I should probably take offense to that."

"Just my toes," she said, though it wasn't true and the goosebumps on her arm were a dead giveaway. It was May though, so she wasn't in any real danger of freezing, but winter had been stubbornly clinging to spring, and it was a chilly night.

John's arm went around her, and he drew the blanket around them. "Better?" he asked. She tucked her face towards him, and he laughed when her icy nose lodged against his neck. "I'm going to take that as a no." He pulled her closer and rubbed a hand down her arm.

With each of their annual rotations on Earth, it had taken less and less time before the lines had blurred so much that one of them had forgotten that final layer of intimacy was off the table. This time, it had only taken days for them to reach that tipping point. She leaned into his heat, wondering if John recognized it as well. He wasn't doing any more than she was to throw on the brakes.

She knew why it was different for her. Time seemed more precious with the health challenges she was facing, and ignoring what was between them suddenly seemed like a priceless gift they were wasting. She wasn't sure what had changed for him. He hadn't vocalized any concerns if he'd picked up on any of her symptoms, though it wouldn't surprise her if he had noticed and just hadn't dared to ask. Maybe he'd just sensed the shift in her attitude and perception. Or maybe she'd been wrong, reading too much into simple acts, and nothing had really changed for him at all.

"Sheppard! Finally found you. Look at you two all snuggled up listening to Bob Seger."

She recognized that southern accent and that boisterous attitude. "Is that Jason Hartman?" Elizabeth strained her eyes as she looked back towards her condo.

"It's me Lizzy. What'cha doing? Working on your 'night moves' just like Seger's song?" Jason laughed heartily as he took one step forward out of the shadows.

Lizzy. She rolled her eyes. He was the only one she let get away with that nickname, not just because John seemed to love the fact they got along so well, but also because she adored him, and she'd never met anyone that dared aggravate the hell out of John the way he did.

"What are you doing here tonight?" John asked.

"Changed our plane tickets. Thought it would give me one more night for bullshit and beer."

John nudged Elizabeth. "That was your surprise for tomorrow. "

"Bullshit and beer?"

He grinned. "More like some quality time with our friends. He's brought Gavin out for a few days."

In the past three years, the extra time spent on Earth had afforded John the time to reconnect with some of his old Air Force buddies. Jason had been one of his best friends before everything had gone sideways in Afghanistan and John had isolated himself in Antarctica. They'd spent time with him and his son during each of their rotations on Earth. Jason was from North Carolina, but he lived in Virginia, not far from her mother or John's brother, so they saw them when they visited the East Coast, and Jason had brought Gavin out each year to visit them in return.

"Jason, how'd you get in my condo?" Elizabeth asked.

"You've got this poor boy's brain all scrambled. Thought he gave me the wrong code for the door. Didn't work on his, but it did work on yours. You guys aren't naked out here, are you? I can't see under that blanket from here, and I followed a trail of clothes to find you. What kind of man leaves his pants on the kitchen counter?"

Elizabeth laughed. "Why are your pants on my kitchen counter?"

John tugged at his collar. "I brought them back to add to our dry cleaning pile."

"We don't have a dry cleaning pile."

"Then maybe we need to start one."

Jason whistled. "Hey y'all, remember me? Patiently waiting to make sure you're clothed before I come closer."

"We're decent," she said. "I don't know where you stashed Gavin, but get him out here."

John stood, and leaned into a loose man hug with Jason as he finally joined them. "Good to see you, man."

"You too, brother. Get out here, kiddo," Jason called. "What have you guys been up to tonight? I feel a little under dressed here. I might not be fancy enough to hang out with you." The corners of his eyes crinkled as his smile stretched wider.

"Forget fancy," Elizabeth said. "You look warm. That's all that matters." Wearing jeans, t-shirt and fleece jacket, Jason was probably the only one of them appropriately dressed for the weather.

The blanket fell as Elizabeth stood. Gavin came barreling out of the shadows and leapt into her arms. She took two steps backward before her knees buckled, and they both laughed as they tumbled into the grass.

She rolled sideways and tousled the five-year old's curly brown hair. "How much have you eaten since I last saw you? You're getting so big." She sat up, pulling him along with her, tugging down the hem of her dress, and dusting loose strands of grass from his jacket.

"Don't even get me started on all the food that boy can put away," Jason said.

John's brows drew together. "You knock her down with a hug, and I don't even get a hello?"

"Hey." Gavin didn't even look back. He pulled up his jacket sleeve and held up his arm to Elizabeth. "Lookie. Good as new."

"I bet you were glad to get that cast off." Elizabeth inspected his arm. "Didn't scar too badly."

"Daddy calls it my battle scar. And you know what? My arm smelled _so_ bad when they took the cast off. It was cool."

"He had a broken arm?" John asked.

"Yeah, it was pretty gnarly," Jason said. "Bone poked through his skin and everything. My boy is tough."

"How did Elizabeth know when I didn't?"

"He emailed her the pictures."

"He… what?"

"Well, I email her for him," Jason said. "They've been sending messages back and forth, working on some story."

She averted her eyes as John sent her a questioning look. The story had evolved after she'd told Gavin stories about Sedge, and the little boy had pestered his dad into emailing her. He'd started sending pictures he'd drawn, and somehow it had become a thing over the past year. She hadn't intended to keep it from John, but on Atlantis, it seemed a million things popped up every second, and somehow it had never made it into a conversation.

"Wait," John said. "You're emailing Elizabeth?"

"For my kid. Makes him happy. That's reason enough for me, but the look on your face is an unexpected bonus." Jason snorted in laughter. "Jealously looks good on you."

"I'm not jealous," John said, though the petulant lilt of his voice hinted otherwise. "What kind of story?"

"About a dog. You really haven't seen it?"

John shook his head. "Anything else I need to know about?"

"Not unless you're interested in what I bought at the airport." Jason dropped his voice. "Came in a brown paper bag, if you get my drift."

She looked to her side as Gavin plucked a white, puffy dandelion and pulled it up to his face for closer inspection.

"Gavin, are you hungry?"

"No. We ate." He blew on the plant, sending hundreds of featherlight seeds floating into the air.

"That's too bad. I thought you might want to roast marshmallows."

His brown eyes gleamed as he tossed the stem aside. "That's different. I have a separate section of my tummy, so there's always room for dessert."

"I thought that might be the case." She had to fight the urge to laugh. "I'm pretty sure John has some marshmallows stashed at his place."

They'd bought s'mores supplies after discovering their fire pit, but she'd made him store the sweets at his place. Ever since diet had become such a huge component of controlling her lupus, she'd developed cravings she'd never had before, and chocolate wasn't always safe in her presence.

Gavin scrambled to his feet, shooting John an imploring look. "Do you?"

"Now he notices I'm alive. Come on. I might even have some Hershey bars too."

"And graham crackers?"

"How could I have chocolate and marshmallows and not have graham crackers?"

Gavin bounded off with John, and Jason stepped over, extending an arm to help her up. He was inches shorter than John, but stockier. He hoisted her until her feet came off the ground, turning them in several tight circles before letting her down. Just those few rotations left her off balance, but before she could wobble, he grabbed her hand and dragged her towards her condo. "I've been on a flight I wasn't piloting for over four hours. My nerves are shot. Where's Sheppard stash the beer?"

"What makes you think it's here?"

"Like that man ever spends a minute at his place. His stuff is all over here."

As they stepped inside, Elizabeth realized how incriminating it looked. She gathered the clothes that she and John had left scattered throughout her condo as she followed Jason into the kitchen.

"We haven't even been here a week." She toed aside her abandoned high heels. "How could all of his stuff be here?"

Jason had given her a hard time the last time he'd visited too, but that time there had been grounds. John's sodoku books, gun cleaning supplies, and other randomness had been scattered from one end of her apartment to another. This time, beyond the clothes, her place was relatively clutter free.

He looked pointedly at the pile of clothes she'd stacked next to John's pants. "His beer is here," Jason opened the fridge and pulled out a bottle. "And I'm pretty sure you don't read Shotgun News."

"You realize we work together right? Maybe it's my Shotgun News."

"Uh huh." He looked anything but believing. "I stumbled into your laundry room when I was looking for you two. Since when does your workout gear include men's t-shirts and men's jogging shorts?"

Her eyes narrowed toward him. "How long were you in my house?"

"Long enough to notice that candle on the dining room table is burned half through. Been enjoying some romantic dinners? And that's a pretty snazzy dress you're wearing. Where'd he take you tonight? Was it expensive? It better have been. I'll talk with him if he isn't treating you right."

Elizabeth gave him a halfhearted smack. "I'm too tired to go nine rounds with you tonight. I give. You're right. John and I are in the middle of a torrid love affair, and you have to get out so we can have some private time."

His face lit up, and he slung an arm around her neck and tugged her closer, playfully running his knuckles over her head. "Wish that were true, Lizzy."

"I hate that nickname," she muttered as he released her.

"I know." He gave her a roughish grin. "But I'm not sorry."

"It's okay," she laughed. "I can handle a little teasing. It's kind of like having an older brother when you're around. I was an only child."

"Me too. I guess having a sister wouldn't be so bad, but did you call me old?" He rubbed a hand over his short brown hair. "Note there's not a strand of gray on my head. I've seen Sheppard's mop of hair. He's got tons of it."

"Not anywhere close to tons. I kind of like it."

"You should. You're probably responsible for it."

"Hey." She smacked him a little harder this time.

"That's what I'm talking about. Little bit of a vixen in you. You just save it for special people or are you like this with all the guys?"

"I think you alone bring out my urge to hit."

"That's what my wife says too. Said," he quickly revised as his eyes shuttered off. He'd lost his wife three years earlier to breast cancer, and as far as Elizabeth was aware, he hadn't dated since. He grabbed the rest of the six-pack of beer from the fridge. "Better get back out there. I think that wanting to hit us thing is a Hartman family trait. Gavin will probably be making John crazy by now."

"Are you kidding? John's just a big kid himself at times. He loves Gavin." She squeezed his shoulder. "Jason? You can talk to me about her. If you ever want to."

He sighed heavily. "Most people just try to fix me up or say shit like I should be happy to know she's in a better place. That she's in no pain."

"They mean well. Most people just struggle to find the right words."

"You did pretty damn good. Sheppard seems to get it too." Jason eyed her carefully. "I'm guessing you gave him a hell of a scare at some point."

Her footsteps came to a hard stop. Her mouth opened softly, but she didn't know how to even begin to respond to that.

He nodded and let it go. "You guys be out on the East coast soon? I'm in California the first week of June for training." Jason was stationed stateside as an Air Force flight instructor. "We're bringing a new chopper into our fleet, and I can't wait to get my hands on it."

It took a moment to get her mind moving forward again. "Is Gavin going with you?"

"No. He'll be happier at home. I'll be working crazy hours, and they have a lot of fun stuff planned the last few weeks of school. I still can't believe he's heading into first grade this fall."

She was having a hard time believing Gavin was in school period. "John and I will be out while you're gone. Do you think we could come see Gavin? Maybe take him for the weekend? John's brother has a son his age, and they have a pool at their house. It might take his mind off missing you."

"He'd love that, but are you sure? You should talk to John first."

"It would be our pleasure," Elizabeth said. "Trust me." She led him to the patio doors and pointed out at John and Gavin huddled by the fire.

Gavin squealed as his marshmallow caught fire. John shook the stick, and the flaming marshmallow went soaring through the inky sky.

"That was awesome!" Gavin said. "Do it again! Let's set another one on fire."

Her chest tightened as she watched them.

"See what I mean?" Jason asked. "My boy can be a handful."

"So can mine." Her heart constricted as she realized what she'd said.

"Glad to see you're not completely in denial. You ever going to do something about it?"

She rubbed her temple. "It would be best if you forgot I said that."

"I'm about out of patience with you two. You say the word; I'll give him a giant kick in the ass." He bopped her on the nose with his forefinger. "Got to take care of my little sis."

In the few years she'd known him, he'd become one of her favorite humans in the world. "I'm really glad you came out, Jason."

"Me too, girl. Me too." Jason turned to stare out at Gavin attempting another marshmallow in the fire. "It's good to see both our boys smiling." He nudged Elizabeth with his elbow. "Come on. We can't let them have all the fun now, can we?"

~v~v~

Elizabeth stretched out in bed and turned on the TV, flipping channels until she grew bored and left it on a twenty-four-hour news channel. She'd changed into a tank and comfy pajama pants, but she hadn't crawled under the covers yet. John was helping Jason and Gavin get settled in his place, a strange thought considering he'd yet to sleep there himself. Even with the TV on, the room seemed dark without the overhead light, so she switched on the bedside lamp. She wasn't sure if he'd stay at his place, or crash at hers while they were in town, but either way, he'd be around to say goodnight.

She heard the lock snap on her patio door. John crossed by her open bedroom doorway, unbuttoning his dress shirt as he went. "Didn't I leave a t-shirt here?"

"Laundry room," she called. "Some of your shorts are there too."

He returned wearing a pair of his jogging shorts, pulling on the t-shirt as he walked. She laughed as he rolled into bed. He landed face down with his head lodged against her stomach, and his arm tossed around her waist. He'd had a few beers, and seemed to be feeling pretty good. Most of that she'd guess was attributed to less to the alcohol and more to the camaraderie of a beautiful night.

She swiped her fingers through his hair. He didn't grumble about her making his hair worse like he usually did. Instead, he just gave a breathy sigh of appreciation.

"Have fun tonight?" she asked.

He turned his head. "Yeah. You?"

Her nose zeroed in on something beyond the strong minty scent of John's toothpaste. "Do I smell cologne?" She leaned closer. "And tequila?"

"Like it?" He pushed up on his elbows. "You can probably still make out the marks where Hartman smacked it on me."

It was a masculine scent, woodsy with hints of amber and vanilla and something else she couldn't quite pinpoint. He smelled good. She couldn't tell him that though, so she skipped forward to the easier subject.

"And Jason forced the shots of tequila down your throat too?"

"It's probably the hand sanitizer I used. His kid is over there. Do you really think he'd do that?"

"Do I think Jason would egg you on to take shots and make a fool of yourself? That would be a resounding yes." She knew neither man would drink to excess with Gavin around, but a few shots? That happened almost every time they got together. "So how many shots was it?"

"However many it was, it was that many too much."

She heard the front door open, and then Jason's voice boomed through her condo. "Where are y'all at?"

"Bedroom," she called.

John groaned as he sat up. "I'm changing the codes to the door."

Jason's footsteps paused at her doorway, and he flipped on the overhead lights without warning. She winced as her eyes adjusted to the light.

John threw up his hands to shield his eyes. "Hartman, what the-

"Sorry man, I shouldn't have barged in. Elizabeth told me you were in the middle of a torrid love affair, but I didn't believe her." Jason threw her a wink as her mouth dropped open.

John just laughed as he settled back against the headboard. "Like I believe Elizabeth said that."

"We'll scoot so you can get back to the good stuff, but first Gavin wants to say goodnight." He gave a curt whistle, and Gavin ran into the room, already decked out in his superhero PJs. He climbed onto the bed, wiggling until he inserted himself between her and John. "I drew another picture. This is for the next part of the story."

"I love this. But what is the dog riding in?" she asked. It looked like a car with a propeller.

"It's a helicopter." Gavin yawned and rubbed his eyes. "I want to grow up and fly a helicopter like daddy and John."

She remembered when Gavin used to call them hewicopters. His little munchkin voice was disappearing, and it was crazy how much he'd grown in the last year.

"So the next chapter is going to have a helicopter and a dog?" she asked.

"Obviously," John said. He tugged Gavin back closer between them and pulled the drawing out of his hand. "This is great. He could be a working dog. Like an explosive-sniffing dog."

"They have dogs that can do that?" Gavin's eyes glistened as he accepted his drawing back. "That's going in the next chapter. We can do a whole new book with Sedge in the Air Force."

John's hand had been on her back rubbing slow circles as he chatted with Gavin, but his movement jerked to a stop.

"Maybe you and John can think of a new name," she suggested, remembering how John had sounded left out when he'd heard about their emails. "A different dog can star in this book."

"You like dogs too?" Gavin asked sleepily.

"And helicopters." John shot Elizabeth a sly grin. "I like spaceships too."

"You're never going to grow up, are you, Sheppard?" Jason asked.

"You might be surprised," John said.

"I'm going to need some new crayons." Gavin's head bobbed back and forth between them. "More paper too."

"And my email address. I want in on this," John said as he twisted a strand of her hair. He probably didn't even realize he was doing it. He was always more tactile when he'd been drinking, and if he stayed over, that would make for an interesting night.

"Come on, kiddo. Let's get you to bed." Gavin twisted to hug Elizabeth, before curling up his hand offering up a solid first bump to John. He stood up on the bed, and Jason lifted him like he weighed nothing, though he'd all but knocked Elizabeth down earlier.

"You two are good with him," Jason said. "You need some of your own."

John let go of her hair. "We're not-"

"Don't." Jason cut him off. "Don't even start with the we're just friends nonsense. We all know that's a load of crap. Seriously, I can't believe your friends have let you get away with that BS for so long."

John waved a hand dismissively through the air. "Whatever. You just like giving us a hard time."

"Daddy, you said crap." Gavin tightened his arms around Jason's neck. "You've got to put money in the cuss jar."

"I can say crap. I can't say shit. Hell. He got me to say it, didn't he? Tricky bugger. Now I do have to put money in the cuss jar."

"Twice." Gavin grinned. "We're gonna have enough money in the jar to go to Disney World soon."

"Maybe you're right, kiddo. Damn it." Jason paused in the doorway and shot them an ornery grin. "Lizzy, I got your boy gussied up and liquored up for you. You can thank me later. I'll let you two get back to your torrid love affair first," he said as he flipped off the overhead light.

"You're an asshole, Hartman," John called.

"And you love me for it," Jason said.

"Does John have to put money in our cuss jar too?" Gavin asked as they left.

"Of course he does. He has to pay double. And buy you ice cream."

Gavin's voice drifted down the hall. "What does torrid mean?"

John groaned and rolled onto his stomach, burying his head in the pillow. "Sorry about that."

At least, that's what she thought he'd said. His words had been mostly muffled by the pillow. "What?" she asked.

He shifted onto his side, glancing up at her with a sheepish grin. "I said, I'm sorry about Jason. Man runs his mouth too damn much. Don't you think?"

"It's kind of refreshing." And while his pointed remarks used to make her blush, they usually didn't even phase her anymore. "No one on Atlantis ever relaxes around us that much."

"That's probably a good thing."

The front door opened and shut again. "Don't mind me." Jason shielded his eyes as strolled by the bedroom. "Little man dropped Sedge."

"Sedge?" John asked.

"His stuffed animal puppy. Sleeps with it every night. Elizabeth sent it for his birthday. She signed the card from the both of you, but I had a feeling it was all her doing." Jason crossed back by, still holding his hand up beside his face. "All right, I'm out for good. Y'all can get back to the hanky panky."

"You couldn't have named the dog something else?" John asked as her front door slammed shut.

He only got this cranky when one other name came up, and she suddenly understood what was bothering him.

"Gavin named his stuffed animal, and the dog in our book, but I didn't tell him stories about Sedge because I was reminiscing about something I had before you."

"Something like what?"

"Simon."

His jaw clenched, but a second later his expression relaxed and a full-on smirk spread across his face. "So you have me now, do you?"

Heat flooded her face. Forget Jason; she was the one who couldn't seem to filter her thoughts that night. "I didn't mean it like that." Her words came in a rush. "I meant my life before Atlantis." A partial truth and she could tell he wasn't buying it. She huffed and gave him a halfhearted shove.

"What was that?" John laughed. "You didn't even budge me."

"Because I'm tired. Too much verbal sparring with you and Jason tonight."

"He was a little over the top tonight, even for him." He stretched, and she winced as random bones cracked under his movement. "You're not tired of me yet are you?" he asked. "I was going to crash here tonight."

She rubbed her neck, remembering how sore it had been all morning. "I can't sleep on the couch again."

He grabbed the remote and switched off the bedside lamp. "So we'll watch TV here."

The little voice in the back of her mind chimed in. _Stupid_ , it said, and for once it didn't allow her to push mute.

"We can't do that," she said. "Remember the last time?"

He swallowed hard. "It'll be fine. We'll watch some TV, and I'll crash in the guest room."

It was unlikely he'd stay awake long enough for that to be true, but she still didn't tell him to go. It might be skirting the edge of rational, but she felt a keen need to soak up every second with him that she could.

There were only a handful of ways the next few months could play out, and she couldn't ignore the fact that the odds were against her staying on Atlantis. It wasn't even as simple as her getting a transplant or going on dialysis. She could get the transplant and if the organ rejected, she'd still end up on dialysis. Or worse. The mortality rate was low for the transplant procedure, but she'd spent a growing number of sleepless nights on Atlantis contemplating just that. She'd slept soundly that week, and not just because of the relative cocoon of safety being on Earth provided, but because John had been with her each night.

She settled onto her side, propping up on her elbow, letting her eyes scroll over him. He'd taken her silence as a concession and had stretched out with one hand behind his neck, the remote in the other, flipping through the channels at a dizzying speed. She hadn't appreciated the view earlier, but seeing him now spawned a warmth and a sense of possessiveness within her that made her uneasy.

His eyes doubled back when he glanced over and saw her staring down at him. "You okay?"

"Just cold," she said, unwilling to share anything beyond that.

He put down the remote and looped an arm around her side, drawing her down against him. She nestled into the crook of his arm, laying her head on her shoulder. She tuned out the noise from the TV, pushed away everything but the warmth of his body and the feel of his chest rising beneath her hand. She was succumbing to sleep when she felt him cover her with a throw blanket.

"John? When I fall asleep-"

"I know. You want me to leave."

She drew in a deep breath. "I want you to stay."

He grunted and crushed her against his side in a hug. She gasped for air when he released her, watching as he grabbed the remote and turned off the TV.

"I thought you wanted to watch TV," she said.

He sighed heavily, and it took him a moment to respond. "We both know that's not why I stay."

Hearing him admit it unraveled something within her. She leaned forward, resting her knee on his thigh. When his hand closed around her knee, she tilted her head higher, inhaling deeply, remembering the taste of his skin, and the way his breath had faltered the last time her lips had tread a path along his neck. His body went rigid, and she wondered if he was remembering the same.

He grabbed the remote and switched back on the TV. "I forgot there was another reason the TV was important."

Embarrassment pummeled her, and she rolled to her opposite side.

She'd been so incredibly stupid. For so many things. For focusing on this thing with John, when she should have been prioritizing her health. Priding herself on how adult they could be about maintaining a deep, but platonic relationship. She knew, of course, that her love for him was far more, but she thought she had a handle on it, not because she'd bought into the lie, but because they'd both agreed it was worth sacrificing what could be for what they already had.

He followed her movement, rolling onto his side until she felt his heart strumming against her back. His palm slid up her side, and a familiar heat snaked through her veins as his hand closed around her hip, pulling her back around to face him.

 _Stupid,_ she thought again as his fingers trailed along her jaw _. Deep breath._ That wasn't true. She needed to stop beating herself up. She wasn't a victim in this, and it hadn't all been stupidity. They'd ended up like this innocently enough. Their closeness stemmed from the best part of each of their hearts, and the physicality of their relationship had always been sweet and tender. Until it wasn't. Then it was like liquid fire. Primal and elemental; devastatingly sensual.

"Look at me." His voice was a sultry whisper, and her eyes flicked open, finding a rare, unfiltered look of raw need on his face. She could only imagine what he saw in hers, probably love oozing full throttle through her pores, because his expression crumpled. He took her face in his hands. "I'm sorry," he said. "I know we decided…This is just-"

"This is hard," she said quietly.

"That's an understatement." He sat up, putting his back to her and dropping his feet to the floor. "I should probably go."

The constant tug of war between them was wearing on her, and she answered in a tone sharper than she'd intended. "Since when do you do anything the easy way?"

"Staying away _is_ harder." He glanced over his shoulder. "I thought you got that."

"Then maybe that's the real question. Why do we make it this hard?"

His head hung down, and he braced his palms against the mattress. "You know why."

"Maybe I used to." She sat up, moving onto her knees and creeping closer behind him. She wanted to wrap her arms around him, wanted to roll back time, forget that she'd pushed and he'd pulled so they could feign ignorance once again and drift off in each other's arms. Instead, she just reached out, putting her hand on his shoulder before letting her fingers run down his back.

They sat in silence, and she was already bracing herself for the launch of another 'we should just be friends' conversation when he spoke. "Thursday."

"What about it?"

"The Hartman family circus rolls out of town." He twisted back, bringing a knee up to rest on the mattress. "Let me take you to dinner."

"Walter's birthday party is Thursday night."

A growl rumbled deep in his throat. "Then Friday."

"Are you asking me on a date? Exactly how many shots did you have?"

Some of the tension slipped from his body, and he laughed softly. "Two. Two beers and two shots in…" he glanced at his watch, "what? Four hours? Not quite as liquored up as Hartman implied."

It wasn't the conversation she'd been expecting, and her relief and exhaustion got the better of her. She launched herself forward, ending up halfway in his lap as she hugged him. "Sorry," she breathed against his ear, as she tried to readjust.

He cursed softly and stood up, leaving her scrambling to anchor herself to him so she didn't tumble into the floor. Her arms wound around his neck and her legs crossed around his waist.

He cursed again. "You can't do that, Elizabeth."

"Do what?"

"Wrap your legs around me like that."

"What was I supposed to do? Fall in the floor?"

A warning growl rumbled deep in his throat. "You can't keep breathing on my ear like that either. You're making me think all kinds of things I'm not supposed to be thinking about."

"We haven't ruled out you thinking things like that," she said as he carted her into the living room. "What are you doing anyway?"

"It's safer out here."

She laughed as he dumped her unceremoniously onto the couch, and he dropped down over her, tickling her mercilessly.

"Think that's funny, do you?"

"Stop," she said, but her protests only seemed to incite him further, and she laughed harder, making her sides pang in response.

Someone banged on the adjoining wall. "Y'all keep in down over there," Jason hollered. "Or at least keep it confined to the bedroom."

"And that's why we're waiting until they're gone to figure this out." He was stretched out over her, bracing his upper body on his elbows, and his eyes widened as he realized just how close they'd gotten.

"I thought the couch was supposed to be safe," she said.

"Safe. Yeah." He swept errant hairs away from her eyes. "That's why I wake up with a death grip on you every morning."

Besides the crick in her neck, she had no complaints about waking up in his arms. "At least I don't fall off the couch."

His phone rang, and he let out a heavy breath before jumping to his feet and jogging into the bedroom. She sat up and adjusted her shirt as he dropped back onto the couch and answered the phone. He didn't put it on speaker, but Jason's voice still filled the space around them.

"Hey, if you two dimwits aren't going to indulge in quality alone time, can I come over and hang? I'm still on East coast time and I'm wide awake."

John looked at Elizabeth, and she just shrugged.

"I've got the baby monitor so I can listen for the kiddo," Jason continued. "I can bring the tequila too."

Elizabeth shook her head at that.

"Bring the monitor," John said. "Leave the tequila." He tossed the phone on the side table as he hung up. "You sure about this?"

"Didn't seem like we had other plans tonight."

"Elizabeth," he drawled in that low, gravelly timber that always made her head swirl. He reached out and cradled the side of her face. "I've half-assed and stumbled my way through just about everything in my life. Not this. We need to take a step back and, if we do this, we do this right."

His words tugged at her heart for all the right reasons, simultaneously filling her with dread for all the wrong ones. She had to tell him about her lupus and kidney failure, and she had to summon the courage to do it before Friday. It was bad enough she'd kept this from him in friendship, concealing it if they became more would be inconceivable. Unforgivable.

Jason opened the door a moment later, and John released her.

She turned her stern look on Jason as he entered the room. "Is this what a giant kick in the ass looks like?" she asked, reminding him of his earlier promise to give John a nudge in the romance department.

Jason did a good impression of a guppy as his mouth opened and shut. "But…you didn't say the word. And he told me to come over."

"I'm teasing," she said. "You can dish it out, but you never seem to see it coming in return."

"What are you two talking about?" John asked.

"Nothing important," she said quickly before Jason could chime in. "You two have fun. I'm going to bed."

"You feeling okay? You seemed to tire easy tonight," Jason asked. "Sure we won't be too loud out here?"

"Don't worry about the noise. Between work and…jet lag, it's been a long week. I'm exhausted. I don't think you'll be able to wake me if you tried."

"Jet lag from what time zone? AFT? TRT? EEST?" Jason asked. "Should I keep going?"

She and John exchanged a glance. The corners of his lips quirked, and she wondered if he'd shared in her flashback to the last argument he'd had with McKay about naming time zones in Pegasus.

"You can keep going if you want, Hartman," John said, "but you already know we can't answer." He caught her hand as she slipped off the couch, dropping his voice as he continued. "I thought you were staying out here."

"You were the one who carried me out here," she said, not bothering to lower her voice. Jason had seen right through them since day one. She had no reservations about speaking freely before him now. "And I never agreed to stay. I already told you. I want to sleep in a real bed tonight." It wasn't just her neck; her back had been bothering her lately, another symptom of her disease's progression.

"This is getting interesting. What did I miss when I was gone?" Jason sat back in the overstuffed chair, grinning at them as he put his feet on the ottoman and clasped his fingers behind his head.

She leaned closer, carefully aligning her mouth with John's ear. "It doesn't mean I want to sleep alone," she said softly.

"Yeah. What?" Goosebumps ruptured on his neck, and he blinked in confusion as she slipped out of his grasp. "But we…" his voice trailed off as his eyes slid sideways, seeming uncomfortable under Jason's scrutiny. "Elizabeth," he hissed.

"I know. Friday. But what are we supposed to do until then?" She crossed the room, pausing outside the bedroom door. "You can decide what's harder." She glanced over her shoulder to meet John's eyes. "Sleeping with me or sleeping alone."

Jason let out a low whistle. "Damn. Sheppard, have I told you how much I like your girl?"

John leaned forward, bracing his elbows on his knees, one hand rubbing his jaw as if simultaneously trying to shut his mouth and tear his gaze away.

"Night, Lizzy," Jason chuckled when John remained silent. "I'll make sure he finds his way to the right bed tonight."

John scowled, seeming to remember Jason's presence. He threw a pillow at him. "Shut it, Hartman."

"I'd like to see you try and make me."

She shook her head and shut the bedroom door behind her.

~TBC. So sorry for the delay. My external hard drive crashed, and I lost the edits to this chapter and all of the next. That means it'll be a few weeks before I get the next one posted. I had other works in progress that took a hit as well. It had been two weeks since my last online backup, and I'm moving everything to a new laptop, so I didn't have anything stored on the hard drive either. I'm frantically rewriting everything while I can remember it. I wouldn't have started posting this if I'd thought it would take so long between updates, but I'm in full-out damage control mode.

On another note, I promise if I start another story after this, I'll keep it Atlantis based. I miss the banter and dynamics of the team too, but I always try to think of stories I don't remember seeing written elsewhere, and with some of my recent works, that seems to keep bringing me back to stories based mostly on Earth. We'll see more of the teams on Earth and Atlantis in the next few chapters though.

Last, sorry for any mistakes that may have slipped through. My eyes are a little tired. I sent it through Grammerly, but you know how it goes. Nothing's perfect. Especially me.


	3. Chapter 3

Elizabeth trailed behind John as he cut a path through the crowd to the bar. Walter's birthday party had started out in a private banquet room, but everyone had long since stumbled into the bar, and they'd been the last stragglers to abandon the peace of the private space.

A young lieutenant spotted them and sprang off his barstool, offering it to Elizabeth. Normally she would have waved him off, but instead, she sank gratefully into the chair, her body overly weary from the long day.

"Did I mention that I'm liking the red?" John waved towards the bartender.

She'd left her suit jacket in John's car, leaving just a sleeveless V-necked red blouse with her black dress pants. She usually wore suits at the SGC, never knowing what VIP might turn up on base or who'd she'd end up on a teleconference with. The clothes she could deal with, but the heels were going to have to go. Her back had bothered her more each day, and Carolyn had recommended switching to flats to reduce some of the pressure, but she'd yet to carve out any time to go shopping.

It had been a whirlwind of a week. She and John had managed to escape the SGC at a decent hour each day to spend the evenings with Jason and Gavin. They'd made it to the zoo, the Dinosaur Resource Center, the Natural History Museum, and the Cliff Dwellings. They'd eaten out a couple times, but most nights they'd returned home to cook out and relax in the backyard. Each night, John and Jason stayed up talking after she'd gone to sleep. The first night, she'd woken tucked within John's arms. The nights that followed, she'd slept alone.

"Order me a beer, will you?" John peeled off several bills from his wallet.

"Why don't you just give me my wallet? I can buy you a beer."

"Not happening. But here's your wallet in case you need your ID."

"Funny." She glanced at the bills he handed her along with her small card holder wallet. "This is too much money."

"Order a nice glass of wine."

"That would still be way too much."

"Order a really nice glass." He grinned as she raised a brow towards him. "Leave the rest as a tip. I think our crew is kind of beating them up tonight. I'm sure they've earned a little something extra." His forehead crinkled. "I think your phone's ringing." He dug back into his pocket, and his expression darkened as he glanced at the screen. "I'll be right back." He pushed the phone into her hand and abruptly strode off.

She looked at the screen as he disappeared. Simon. She chewed her lip. It was rare that he called, even more so at this time of night.

The bartender approached. "What can I get you?"

She craned her neck, studying the draft beers on tap to see if there was anything John hadn't tried. "The IPA."

"Anything else? Your husband was with you, right?"

"James, got any sangria left?" Another bartender yelled, interrupting before she could correct him.

"Sorry about that." James returned a minute later. "What else can I get you?"

She racked her mind trying to think of something other than water. She hadn't felt out of place since John had been drinking water all night, but now that he'd ordered a beer, she thought something more festive might distract him from the fact it wasn't alcoholic.

"Can I have a sparkling water with lime?" Creative it wasn't, but it might be enough to serve as camouflage. This was the last night she'd have to sidestep those questions. Her back was to the wall. John hadn't mentioned the date in days, but no matter how that played out, she'd decided to tell him about her health the next day. Sometime after work, somewhere there'd be no witnesses to his reaction. It would give them the weekend to deal with any fallout before returning to work the following Monday.

"Want a splash of Tito's with that?" James asked. "We have several kinds of vodka if there's something else you'd prefer."

Her phone rang again, and she glanced down. Simon again. "No," she answered, realizing James was still waiting. "I can't drink in my condition." She pulled the phone to her ear wondering how recovering alcoholics and pregnant mothers dealt with this all the time. She'd never been a big drinker before, but she was starting to feel like a social outcast every time she declined a drink.

"Congratulations." James grabbed glasses and went to work.

"What?" She was only half focused on their conversation; she was more worried about the static hum of the phone. "Simon?" She only got garbled bits of something resembling English before the call dropped. She needed to get closer to the window or anywhere else that boosted her cell reception.

James returned with their drinks, and she handed over the cash. "Keep the change," she said, watching as his eyes stretched wide. "A little thank you for taking such good care of our team." Something warmed within her as she considered the kindness of John's gesture. "Can you keep this here?" She pushed John's IPA back towards him. "I need to step away to take a call."

"Sure thing. Cell reception sucks in here." He smiled. "Hey," he called as she stood up. "Thanks for the tip. That was really nice."

She smiled and took her drink, but before she could head towards the door, she spotted Carolyn Lam frantically waving her over.

Carolyn circled to meet her, before grabbing her elbow and leading her to a vacant high top table away from the bar. There were no stools, but Caroline propped her elbows on the table and leaned towards her. "Dr. Wallace and I have been trying to call you."

Elizabeth had reached out to Simon not long after her diagnosis. While she had faith in the doctors of the Stargate program, she'd needed verification from someone she trusted more. No matter what had happened between them, she'd known he'd be there when she needed him, and he hadn't let her down. He'd gone above and beyond, tapping into resources she hadn't known were available and helping her whittle down leads on living donors who might be willing to select her as a recipient.

"John had my phone, and the cell reception is terrible here," Elizabeth said. "What's going on? Was there a problem with my bloodwork?"

"Just the things we already discussed. That's not what this is about. We finally got the call," she said breathlessly. "They have a match. Still at Johns Hopkins. Scheduled for Monday. It's a living donor, so you don't have to fly out tonight, but we should try to get you on a flight Saturday morning."

Carolyn kept talking, but Elizabeth couldn't hear anything beyond the thundering of her heart. Emotion overwhelmed her. Elation. Hope. Relief. She spotted John heading back towards the bar and those things were replaced with complete and utter dread.

"Elizabeth, are you okay?" Carolyn's hand closed around her shoulder. "I thought you'd be ecstatic."

"I still haven't told John." She had a clear shot of John as the bartender spoke to him, reaching out and patting John on the shoulder. She didn't know what James had said, but John looked anything but happy as he turned away.

"Sheppard?" Carolyn seemed confused. "I thought you already had a coverage plan in place for while you're on leave."

"We do. Carter and I finished it, but I never told John."

"Oh. Well, that's easy enough. You can brief him tomorrow."

"You don't understand. I never told him any of it. He knew I was sick after what happened on Asuras, and he knew there were complications from when the nanites were stripped from my cells, but I never…" Elizabeth's words trailed off, and she shrugged softly as she tried to find John. The patrons of the bar had all clustered towards a bank of TVs in the front, leaving the back half where she and Carolyn stood relatively quiet.

"You never told him how compromised your immune system had become? I thought you two had a good working relationship. Why wouldn't you tell him you'd developed lupus?" Carolyn studied her face for a long moment before her mouth morphed into a perfectly formed O shape. Elizabeth cringed at the look in the young woman's eyes as understanding sunk in. It only took seconds before Carolyn's surprise shifted into something closer to frustration. "And he never guessed? In all the time you two spend together, he hasn't noticed the signs of your illness?"

"I've been eating better, and trying to rest more. He couldn't be happier with the changes he's seen."

"But your energy levels aren't where they should be, and you get sick more often. You haven't gotten the rash many get with lupus, but the signs are there. Even he can't be thick-headed enough not to see it."

"I'm alive, Carolyn," she said quietly. "He's not going to question anything beyond that."

John might not be in love with her, but she knew without a doubt that he loved her fiercely. She clung to that thought, hoping that love would be enough for him to forgive her for this secret.

Carolyn blew out a deep breath. "I suppose I can understand that after everything you went through." She sat quietly for a minute before speaking again. "Maybe you can do the rest of us a favor and tell him after work tomorrow."

Elizabeth managed a faint smile until she spotted John. He'd been cornered by a young and attractive woman, and instead of looking for an escape route like he normally did, he was giving her his most charming smile.

"Come talk to me in the morning," Carolyn said. "They have everything they need, but I made you a copy of your medical records to take with you just in case. Do you have someone on standby to support you while you are in the hospital? If everything goes well, you'll be in intensive care 24-48 hours, and then remain in the hospital for 5 to 10 more days."

"My mother lives nearby. She'll meet me there. Who is the surgeon?" The surgeon she'd been working with was on paternity leave, so another doctor with his practice would be performing the surgery.

"Dr. Anderson. I looked her up. Impeccable education and work history. You'll be in good hands."

Daniel and Teal'c walked up before they could say anything more.

"Well. This has been fun." Daniel had a pained look on his face that suggested otherwise. "We're heading out; we just wanted to say goodbye."

Her breath caught as she watched John put an arm around the woman's back. "I'm ready to go too."

Daniel looked back over his shoulder, tracking her eyes. His mouth opened softly as he turned back. "I thought…wow. I thought wrong, apparently. Do you need a ride home, Elizabeth? Sheppard looks otherwise engaged, and you probably shouldn't drive after what happened today."

"Are you feeling better, Dr. Weir?" Teal inquired.

"You saw?" She hoped anyway, she couldn't imagine John finding out she'd been carried into the infirmary because of the rampant gossip on base.

"Heard about it. Good news travels fast," Daniel said. "Passing out isn't something that goes unnoticed at the SGC."

"Right," she said. Daniel was one of the few who knew about her condition. Carolyn had initially brought Sam and Daniel into the fold, hoping there was some kernel of medical knowledge from a prior mission that somehow hadn't made it into reports. She'd been looking for anything that could have helped Elizabeth avoid all of this.

"I think it was just some of the scientists, and they're usually not too chatty with the military types," Daniel said, giving her a commiserating grin.

"My blood pressure and blood sugar were a little out of balance," Elizabeth explained. "We adjusted my medicine. That should help."

"Elizabeth," Carolyn said. "Don't forget-."

"I won't. I'll find you in the morning."

"Great. Get some rest." Carolyn held her thumbs up and smiled broadly before turning and disappearing into the crowd.

Daniel cringed as someone bumped into him. "This crowd has gotten a little rowdy."

"I wasn't even thinking about that." Elizabeth frowned. "Maybe I should stay."

"No need. Sheppard has some lieutenants charged with babysitting duty," Daniel said as they headed towards the door. "They'll keep everyone in check and make sure no one drives that shouldn't."

"Do you not wish to say farewell to Colonel Sheppard?" Teal'c asked.

Against her better judgment, she looked back. The woman with John had her hand on his chest, and he leaned in close as they chatted. "No. Like Daniel said, he looks otherwise engaged." Not watching where she was going, she tripped, and Daniel put an arm around her back to steady her.

"You okay?" Daniel asked, keeping an arm tight around her.

John looked up at that moment. His eyes darkened, and she caught a glimpse of something that looked like disappointment before his expression shuttered off, and she found herself in the rare position of being unable to read him.

"Elizabeth? You okay?" Daniel asked again. "If it wouldn't be too much to ask, maybe give us a heads up if you think you're going to pass out again."

She forced a smile. "I'm just ready to call it a night." But she couldn't find it in her to say she was okay.

She wasn't angry at John, she was just…hurt. It was a weak word in comparison to the crushing weight she felt on her chest. _Stupid,_ came that little voice inside her head, but she quickly quelled the thought. She had a rare glimpse of clarity, realizing until she got her health sorted out, she wasn't in a position to move on with her life, but she couldn't let him keep not living his. It had been selfish of her not to give him the needed push long ago.

She numbly followed Daniel to the car, allowing Teal'c to open the door for her. Normally Teal'c's small talk would have been entertaining, but even hearing him discuss the musicality of Snoop Dog and Puff Daddy wasn't enough to lighten her mood. Just hearing Teal'c say those artist's names would have been enough to have her shoulders shaking had it been a better day.

She should have been celebrating the news of a donor, instead, she had an unsettling feeling of being adrift, without an anchor in her world. No one needed her, but as independent as she was, she needed something more, an axis point in her world beyond the Stargate program. Beyond John.

She'd allowed him to fill that void for too long, and she was finally finding the strength to grasp the truth. That wasn't the person he wanted to be for her. Her friendship was his safety net. Hell, he'd even gone so far as to ask her out because he knew it was what she wanted, but she had to face the truth. She kept him safe from putting himself out there. But he wasn't in love with her.

She waved to Daniel and Teal'c as they pulled away from her condo. As she punched in the code to her door, her phone vibrated. She held it up higher, surprised to find Jason Hartman Facetiming her. She stepped inside, securing the door behind her.

When she answered, it wasn't Jason. Gavin's face filled the screen. "Daddy said since you were home, I could talk to you myself whenever I wanted. If that's okay. He said I had to ask."

She managed a genuine smile at that. "Of course it's okay. Just know I can't always answer if I'm working-"

"Yep, Daddy told me that too. He said you work too much, that you get tired a lot."

"He did, did he? Your dad is pretty observant."

"What's observant mean?"

"It means-"

"I almost forgot, daddy said you and John are taking me on an adventure when he's gone to California. Is that for real?"

Her heart dipped. So many things were about to get strange in her life, and she didn't want her friendship with Jason and Gavin to become a casualty of the fallout that seemed impending.

"Can I talk to your dad? I don't want to bother him if he's busy, though."

"No, he's right here. I think he was hoping you'd ask to talk to him." Gavin swatted his hand to the side. "Daddy, what are you poking me for?"

The image went sideways for a minute as Gavin handed over the phone. A second later, Jason's face came into view.

"Hey, darling. How're you doing? We tried Sheppard, but he didn't bother to answer the phone."

A lump thickened in her throat, and she swallowed hard. "Um, about that. Can I talk to you for a minute? Alone?"

His eyes tightened. "Gavin, will you get me a bottle of water from the fridge?" A moment later Jason turned his eyes back to the screen. "We haven't even been gone twenty-four hours. What did he do?"

She blinked rapidly and bit down on her lip to curb the tears that threatened her eyes. "Actually, I don't think I can talk now. I'm tired-"

"You're always tired these days. Maybe Sheppard lets you take a pass on that, but I won't. What is going on with you?"

"I'm sorry. I thought I could do this tonight, but I can't. Can we talk tomorrow?"

Jason cursed softly, and she heard Gavin remind him about the cuss jar. "I know, I know. Give me a second, kiddo, okay?" He turned back to the screen. "Friday's are admin days for me, so I'll be close to the phone all day. You call me, understand? Because if I don't hear from you by 5 pm, Gavin and I'll be on the next flight out."

She nodded.

A hiss of air rushed through his teeth. "Lizzy, are you sure you can't talk tonight?" He sighed when she shook her head. "I don't like it, but okay. Whatever's going on with Sheppard, well, we can figure that out. It's what's going on with you I'm worried about."

She said goodnight and ended the call.

Hours later, her plane ticket was booked for Saturday morning. Her bag was packed, and Landry had rearranged his schedule to return to the Colorado Springs that weekend.

She'd changed into loose pajama pants and a tank top and pulled back the covers on her bed. It was after midnight, and John still hadn't come home.

She crawled under the covers as the tears flooded her eyes. She wasn't just upset because of John's bizarre behavior. She was terrified of undergoing anesthesia- and not being able to move or run- almost more than she was of the surgery itself. Her fears didn't end there. She knew what would happen if her body rejected the kidney. Dialysis would change her life as she knew it and could prove to be the one thing this universe had thrown at her that would finally separate her from John...and Atlantis.

Her shoulders shook as the strength of her tears increased. She didn't like needing anyone, but she'd needed John that night.

~v~v~

Elizabeth sat at the table during the Friday morning briefing, cupping her lukewarm mug of coffee in her hands and sneaking discreet glances out the corner of her eye at John.

He hadn't returned to his apartment the night before. This was the first time she'd seen him since the bar, and he'd yet to look her in the eyes.

John's team was heading out on a routine reconnaissance mission. They were leaving in minutes, and it would be late afternoon before they returned. Hours of waiting before she had a chance of finding out what was going on.

She realized the room had grown silent as they waited for her to continue or dismiss them. "Questions, anyone?" she asked as her eyes panned around the table. "Okay. You have a go."

John bolted. For the first time in years, he was the first one out the door instead of the last.

Elizabeth slowly gathered her things and headed towards Carolyn's office. It was the first time in years she didn't go to the control room to watch his team depart.

Hours later, the base's alarms blared.

"Off-world activation." Walter's voice was pipped into her office and across half the base via the speaker system.

She darted into the control room. They only had two teams off-world and neither was expected back for hours.

Walter's eyes were wide as she stepped to his side. "It's Colonel Mitchell's IDC."

Her head snapped up in surprise. "Let him in."

A moment later, Cameron and Rodney stepped through the gate.

Walter cleared his throat. "Is that a-"

"ZPM," Elizabeth said, pressing down on the button for the microphone. "Gentlemen. Conference room. Now."

Cam nodded, and Rodney waved enthusiastically, beaming as he motioned down at the ZPM.

Elizabeth tapped Walter's shoulder. "Have Major Severns meet me in the conference room." Aside from Mitchell, Severns was the highest ranking officer left on base with John off-world.

A million questions raced through her mind as she walked to the conference room. Where had the ZPM come from? Was it safe? Why had Cameron accompanied it? Carter was as level headed as they came, she rationalized. She wouldn't have allowed anything unsafe to be transported to Earth. But she wouldn't have sent Cam back without good reason either.

"I know," Rodney said as he strode inside. "It seems too good to be true-"

"Because it is," Cam said, shooting a glowering look towards Rodney.

"The Zed-PM is good news. This is the one from Atlantis," Rodney said. "We put the new one in its place. If anything does end up happening, it will only impact Atlantis, not Earth."

"Thanks, Rodney. I feel so much better," she said flatly. When Cameron didn't crack a smile, she knew. John was being sent back to Atlantis. That was the only reason for Cameron's presence. "You want to tell me why you're here?" she asked Cam. "Rodney could have handled this alone." Actually, anyone could have served as the courier. Bill could have easily installed it on the base without any assistance.

"Where's Sheppard?" Cameron asked. "He should hear this."

"Off-world. He's not due in for hours." She paced the length of the table before turning back. No one had bothered to take a seat. There wasn't a point. She already knew this wouldn't take long.

"Better call him back." Cameron's expression was grim.

After a moment, she turned towards Major Severns. "Do it."

He nodded and quickly retreated from the room.

"Is Atlantis okay?" she asked.

Cameron nodded. "It's fine. For now."

That made her feel only marginally better. "And the ZPM?"

"A gesture of goodwill." Cameron's jaw clenched.

One name immediately jumped to mind, and even without knowing all the details, everything started to make sense. "It was from Todd, wasn't it?"

"How'd you know?" Rodney asked. "He's been busy since he was last on Atlantis. Concocted a whole new scheme of some sort, but he won't tell us anything. He's demanding to talk to Sheppard."

"I can't go with him," Elizabeth said. "I'm going on medical leave. I can't leave the states for at least four weeks."

"Medical leave?" Rodney's smile faltered. "I don't understand."

"A story for later," Elizabeth said.

Cameron took a deep breath. "Carter wasn't planning on coming."

She swallowed hard as the implications of that registered. "O'Neill-"

"It wasn't O'Neill. It was Landry. He said he was coming back anyway and wanted Carter to stay put."

Because Landry already knew she was starting medical leave that weekend. It made sense from every angle, but the precedent it would set was unsettling.

"Um, if it's okay with you…" Rodney held up the ZPM.

She sighed and leaned back against the table. "Go ahead."

His face lit up, and he darted off. "Just wait until I tell Bill. He bet me twenty bucks a team from the SGC would find a Zed-PM first."

Cameron leaned against the table beside her, his shoulder brushing against hers. "The medical leave is a good thing, right? You hit the top of the list?"

"Yes."

He'd been brought into the loop the year before, not from intent, but because she and Sam had been careless, and he'd overheard their conversation.

"Sheppard's not going to take this well," he said quietly. "He won't want to leave with you heading into surgery."

She hung her head. "He doesn't know."

"What are you going to do?"

"I have to tell him."

"Before he goes? Do you really think that's a good idea?"

"No." It was a bad idea, fracturing his focus before sending him to deal with Todd. She raised her chin. "But it will be worse in the long run if I don't tell him."

"There might not be a long run if you do," he said, giving her a pointed look.

They sat in silence for a few minutes before Cameron spoke again. "Sheppard aside, how are you? Do you need anything? Do you have someone to be there for you?"

"My mother. She doesn't live far from Johns Hopkins."

He whistled softly. "Best of the best. You'll be in good hands there. I have a friend on the east coast I've been meaning to visit. If all is quiet on the home front, and if I'm still here, I'll be near D.C. in a few weeks. Can I come see you?"

Her heart started skittering, and her eyes pressed shut. She hadn't even considered that. After they resolved whatever was going on with Todd, would they send John back?

"Elizabeth?" Cam's voice seemed far away.

The room seemed foggy when she opened her eyes. The base alarm sounded, and Walter's voice came pipping out the speakers. "Off-world activation. Colonel Sheppard's IDC."

"That was fast," Cameron said.

She put a hand on the table, bracing herself as the world spun around her. "Go ahead, I'll be right behind you."

"You sure?"

"I just…need a minute."

He looked reluctant, but ultimately respected her wishes. "Everything will be okay, you know?" he said as he crossed through the doorway.

She was grateful he slipped out the room without waiting for a response, because her world felt more than slightly off-kilter, and nothing seemed okay.

It took minutes for her to steady herself enough to walk without stumbling. Her body was revolting from more than just shock. She needed to talk to Carolyn. The changes they'd made to her medicine weren't helping as quickly as she'd hoped. As her world came back into focus, she made her way to the control room. It was almost empty. She spotted Rodney, Cameron, and Major Severns talking to John on the gate room floor below.

She walked as quickly as she dared. By the time she reached them, John was circling his finger in the air.

"Dial it up," he called to Walter.

He strode up towards the gate, staying steps ahead of her. "Colonel Sheppard," she called out. His posture stiffened, but he didn't slow down. "Sheppard," she called again. He paused before the gate, determinedly not looking back as the final chevron locked. "John." Her voice was almost a strangled gasp, and he finally looked back.

She tilted her head, imploring him with her eyes. She needed at least one second of any kind of connection with him. As the gate kawooshed to life, his eyes finally locked on hers, and it felt like a thunderbolt shot through her. She didn't understand the force of his anger, but whatever she'd done, she needed to somehow convey everything she couldn't say. She needed him to keep his head straight, to keep his emotions in check, and to stay alive- all things he struggled with when Todd was around. They could figure out the rest later, but Cameron had been right. There might not be a later if she burdened him with everything now.

The gate room went silent as they stood there, locked onto each other's eyes.

"Elizabeth," Cameron said softly as he tapped her arm. "He needs to go."

The barriers finally dropped from John's eyes, giving her a glimpse at his torn emotions.

She wanted to say something, anything, but there was nothing appropriate she could say in the presence of current company.

John finally sighed and nodded slowly. "Okay," he said before turning and stepping into the wormhole.

"Okay?" Severns asked as John vanished from sight. "Okay what? No one said anything."

Rodney gave him a halfhearted smile. "Yeah. She did." He patted Severns on the back as he headed towards the door.

"She?" Severns turned to Cameron. "I don't get it? What did I miss?" He dropped his voice. "I didn't hear Dr. Weir say anything."

"You'll get used to it," Cameron said, frowning as the major stood rooted in place. "Don't you have somewhere to be?"

The major hesitated only a moment longer before making a break for the door.

Elizabeth knew she needed to get clear. Her eyes wouldn't focus. She was dizzy, her knees were weak, and if she didn't fall down, she was probably going to break down.

Her legs wavered as she watched Severns retreat. "Cam? Can you help me to the infirmary?"

She was starting to wonder if she could make it on her own to the hospital in Baltimore. There were no direct flights. She had to connect through O'Hare, and the trek through that airport wasn't ideal for someone unsteady on their feet.

Jason Hartman's name jumped into her mind. She could have him pick her up when she landed. If she made it that far.

"Did you say Jason Hartman?" Cam asked as he stretched an arm around her, steadying her as she walked.

"I don't know, did I? I thought I was thinking it."

"He in the Air Force?"

"Yes," Elizabeth paused as she looked up at Cam. "Do you know him?"

"Yeah. That's who I was hoping to visit. We go way back. I haven't seen him since his wife passed. I keep trying to visit, and he keeps putting me off. A lot of our mutual Air Force buddies are telling me the same thing. He's kind of isolated himself."

"I think I need to sit down." Elizabeth turned, planting her back against the wall as she fought off the black spots in her vision. "I never thought about it, but Jason's never talked about his other friends." She immediately felt even worse. She hadn't known Jason before he'd lost his wife, but she'd spent enough time with him since that she should have picked up on the signs.

The world started spinning again as Cameron took her arm, pulling her back into motion. "I'll get Landry to clear me for a few days of leave. I'll fly out with you, help you get there in one piece, and you can help me get into the same room with Hartman. Deal?"

"I don't need any help." Her knees buckled before she'd finished the sentence. And it had been a stupid sentence with hollow words. She knew she needed help, but it was one thing to admit it to herself. It was much harder to admit that to others. The darkness swirled around her as Cameron hoisted her up into his arms. "Okay. Maybe I do," she whispered as the world faded away.

~TBC. One more chapter coming as soon as I can. Sorry again for the delay between chapters, but the hard drive crash took a toll. Last, apologies for any grammatical errors. I sent it through Grammerly, but things slip through.

I'll leave you with a quote this Memorial Day weekend. Never forget.

 _"Our nation owes a debt to its fallen heroes that we can never fully repay, but we can honor their sacrifice." –Barack Obama_


	4. Chapter 4

It was still bright outside when Elizabeth's eyes opened. Her ears were assaulted by sounds that had her had become normal over the past two weeks. Chatter of the staff, squeaking shoes on waxed tiles, the sounds of so many TV's echoing down the hallway, and the constant beeping of medical equipment.

The hospital smell was the worst. Clean and medicinal, it was harsh against her nose. A more comforting smell mingled with it that evening, a hint of a familiar cologne. She tilted her head, smiling when she found Jason on the couch in her room. "Hey," she said.

His face lit up when he realized she'd woken. "Hey yourself, sleeping beauty. How're you feeling? The nurse said you didn't need dialysis today. That's been what, four days without?"

"Five." She'd had to start the treatment post-op until her new kidney began operating at normal levels. "Looks like I'm in the clear. No more dialysis." Her body still ached from her surgery's incision site, and her arms were still battered from the abuse of the dialysis on her veins, but day by day, they'd removed equipment as her body recovered from the transplant, and she was finally free of the IV and monitors. "Tomorrow's the big day."

"Great timing," Jason said. "It's Saturday. I'll be off work, so we'll be here bright and early."

She pushed up in the hospital bed, grateful again to be back in her own clothes. Hospital gowns had made modesty challenging, and though she'd tried to keep news of her surgery quiet, she'd had more visitors than she would have bargained for during her stay.

Simon worked in the hospital, and he came by several times a day. Her mother had visited every day, but now she'd dialed it back to every other day at Elizabeth's insistence. Carolyn had flown out to visit, and Jack O'Neill had come by. Even Cameron had been there. Cam, Jason, Gavin, and her mother hadn't left her side before her surgery, and they'd all been waiting when she'd come out from the anesthesia. Cam had returned to the SGC a day later, and while she'd persuaded her mother to trim the amount of her visits, Jason had refused to listen.

"You don't have to come here every day," she said. "It's a thirty-minute drive for you."

Jason shrugged. "So? Everything's a thirty-minute drive in these parts because of the traffic. Besides, the little man wouldn't let me hear of missing a visit."

She swung her legs off the side of her bed. They'd encouraged her to get up and walk whenever she wanted. It had been a relief to get free license to move. Even sitting on the couch was a nice change of pace after being stuck in the hospital bed for so long.

"Where is Gavin anyway?"

"Simon took him to raid the snack closet, and no changing the subject. You'll need us to come tomorrow. You'll never get this stuff out on your own."

Flowers, balloons, and cards filled her room. The support and well wishes of so many had been touching, but they were also a constant reminder on the one missing. John was still on Atlantis.

The joint mission with Todd had ended predictably. Todd was MIA, having accomplished everything he wanted and more. McKay had been furious. So had the IOA. The name Todd always hit a raw nerve with them. They'd never wanted to let the Wraith leave Atlantis in the first place, at least not alive.

Atlantis had been left with a fraction of the data they'd been promised in return for their assistance, but they had destroyed a small Wraith outpost without any loss of life for their team. McKay and the IOA aside, the rest had chalked it up as a small win, and moved on.

She'd read the mission reports. Medical leave or not, she didn't want to return to thousands of unopened emails and reports. She assumed there was more to what she'd read, there always was, but she wouldn't know until she spoke to John…and she didn't know when that would be. He was still on Atlantis either by choice or by Landry's orders. Asking wasn't an option, because if it was the former, she really didn't want to know.

She joined Jason on the couch. He was watching _The Outlaw Josey Wales._ Again. That movie had been on one of the channels almost every night she'd been at Johns Hopkins. "You watching that again?"

"I reckon so," he said, giving her a lopsided grin as Clint Eastwood echoed those words onscreen. "It's a classic."

It was moments like this, he reminded her so much of John that it hurt.

Gavin came barreling in the room, a white Styrofoam cup of ice cream in his hands, and Simon followed a moment later.

"I heard it's your last night in the hospital." Simon smiled. "I know you'll be happy to leave. Are you going to your mother's or your place when you're discharged?"

"My mother's. My place is still rented." She hadn't wanted to sell her Georgetown brownstone. She loved its character and location, so she'd rented it out when she'd started working on the Atlantis project. Whether she ever ending up living there again or not, it would at least be an investment. The property value had almost doubled in the years she'd owned it.

"You should come stay with us." Gavin sat beside her, putting her in the middle of the little Hartman family. "Daddy and I talked about it. We have that extra bedroom you've stayed in when you visited with John."

"It's all yours if you want it, Lizzy." Jason gave Simon a sideways glance. "Think it over. We'll be here in the morning anyway to help you get packed up and moved out."

"Oh. Well…" Simon scratched the back of his head. "I know when I'm not needed."

"Thank you, Simon," she said. "For everything. I couldn't have done this without your help."

Simon stood a little bit taller as he smiled back at her. "I'll give you a call in a few days to check on you."

"Bye, Simon." Gavin waved. "Thanks again for the ice cream."

Simon waved back and ducked out the door.

"He doesn't like me," Jason said.

"What are you talking about?" she asked. "He likes everyone. He even took Gavin for ice cream."

"You don't see it, do you? Man's got stars in his eyes for you."

"Maybe you're the one with stars in your eyes. Did you get hit in the head at work or something?" she teased.

Gavin busied himself getting the laptop out of Jason's backpack and sorting through a stack of DVD's.

"I'm just calling it like I see it," Jason said as he switched off the TV. "That's me. Mr. blunt as hell."

She tugged a blanket around her shoulders, feeling a sudden chill. "He made his choice a long time ago. We both did." Simon had moved on. Yes, that relationship hadn't worked out for him, but it didn't mean he was looking to start things up with her. They were better off as friends, and she knew they both had to recognize that.

"He didn't like it when Gavin mentioned John either," Jason said. "Does he know about him?"

Her heart wrenched as she considered the question. "There's nothing really to know, is there?"

"Got it!" Gavin held up _Despicable Me_ before popping it in the laptop.

"Like father, like son," she said. "You both watch the same movies every day."

Gavin looked crushed. "You don't want to watch it? I thought you loved the minions."

"I do. Of course I want to watch it. I was just giving your dad a hard time."

Gavin centered the laptop on the small table before them and started the movie.

"What do you want for dinner?" Jason asked. "You need to celebrate getting off the hospital restricted diet. We can order some Chinese. You won't be able to get delivery out in the suburbs."

"I'd best stick to a bland diet for a while, but when I'm ready, my mother's house gets delivery."

"But ours doesn't."

"You won't even be there much longer. You're heading to California." She lowered her voice as Gavin leaned forward, laughing at the movie. "Does Gavin stay with your parents when you're gone?"

Jason shook his head. "Mom's got her hands full with my father. He has Alzheimer's. Not sure how much longer we can keep him at home."

"I'm sorry." She squeezed his arm. "I didn't realize."

"Our nanny stays over when I'm out of town."

"So he's just with the nanny?"

"Don't look at me like that. He likes her, and she keeps a good eye on him. He's happier at home; I'll be working all the time. Plus, it would cost a fortune to fly her out with us, pay her overtime, and put them both up in hotel rooms."

"It'll cost a fortune to have her stay over while you're gone as it is. I should stay with you guys. Then she wouldn't need to stay overnight."

"You're in no shape to be taking care of a five-year-old."

"Almost six," Gavin said, not taking his eyes from the screen.

"I'd be fine with him," she said. "I can't pick him up, or lift anything over fifty pounds. Other than that, I don't have any lifestyle restrictions that would keep me from being able to care for him."

Jason met her eyes. "That's too much to ask."

"You're not asking, I'm offering. It's what family does, assuming you still want me to be. John-"

"Is an idiot."

"We both know that's not true."

"I don't know what's going on with him," Jason said. "I don't know of any soldiers deployed that don't get access to a phone or email at some point. Either that or he does, and he's just ignoring me. You still haven't heard from him either?"

"No." She'd sent some emails with the data bursts transmitted from the SGC, but he hadn't responded. "It's not a normal deployment. It's just a short-term mission. With his location, it makes things complicated."

"Don't suppose you can tell me what he's up to?" He sighed when she shook her head. "Well, whatever happens, I'm not letting you slip out of my life."

"You can't afford too. You're somewhat lacking in the friendship department."

His mouth dropped open. "I'm not believing you. Stop busting my balls. You and Mitchell already put me through the ringer. I've promised to stop being a hermit, after we get you sprung you from this place, anyway."

"Why John?" she asked. "He was the only one you stayed in touch with. You brushed everyone else off."

He looked away. "Sheppard never pried. Everyone else was as pushy as hell, but he just let me be. Being around him made me feel normal, I guess. And because of you," he added quietly.

"Me?"

He picked at the label on his water bottle. "John did the same thing as me. After Afghanistan, he shut everyone out. Holed up in Antarctica. You seemed to have brought him away from some of that darkness. I guess I thought if I was as around you enough, maybe some of that would rub off on me too."

"I can't take the credit for that. He surrounded himself with good people. He has a great team. He learned to welcome friendship back into his life. You need to do the same."

He shifted sideways, propping his elbow on the back of the couch. "Maybe it just takes a good woman to set you straight so you realize you need to do those things."

Elizabeth eyed him carefully, wondering if his comment meant he was no longer opposed to the idea of dating. She still had a lot of friends in the area. She could easily set him up with one of them, but only if he was ready. Before she could ask, Gavin roared in laughter and slumped back against the couch, leaning against Elizabeth's side.

"Easy, kiddo," Jason said. "You need to be gentle with her."

"He's okay. It's my good side." But she had a long, curving row of stitches on her opposite side. The incision was tender, but healing nicely. She was scheduled to have the stitches removed the following week.

"Here, lean forward a smidge." Jason had a pillow in his hands. "It'll take the pressure off your lower back."

She shifted sideways, and he eased it behind her.

Gavin giggled again, and Elizabeth smiled down at him. She hadn't avoided marriage and children, but the cards hadn't fallen that way. Now she knew they never would. She hadn't asked, but the surgeon had made it clear children would not be a part of her future. It wasn't her age. Her body just wouldn't be able to handle the strain of carrying a child.

Gavin squirmed around, trying to get comfortable. He finally grabbed a throw pillow and curled up, resting his head on Elizabeth's lap. She tousled his hair and tried not to think of the dreams she'd lost. She had her life, and for now, that was more than enough.

~v~v~

Elizabeth pulled back the curtains and peered outside. She was in the living room at the Hartman home, and the sky was growing dark.

"Why are you worried?" Gavin asked. "Daddy's been late before. He's probably stuck in traffic."

"I'm not worried," she lied. She turned around, smiling down at Gavin. He was on the floor, elbows on the coffee table as he leaned over, studying his latest artwork. While they'd been in Colorado Springs, Gavin and John had named the new canine character for the next set of stories, and Gavin had been drawing away. "This looks great, Gavin. Bandit looks good in a cape."

"I can't wait to show John. Is he ever coming back?"

"Of course he is." But she had no idea when. She'd sent another email, but she still hadn't heard from him.

She glanced at her phone and sighed. Gavin was right in that Jason had been late before, but he'd always called or texted. Sometimes he'd called and texted. He was a little overzealous in communicating with her, something she'd found sweet and reassuring. The radio silence now was grating her nerves. Something was wrong. She felt a bone-deep worry similar to what she'd experienced at times when John was on missions, and those premonitions had rarely steered her wrong.

"We should go ahead and get you something to eat," she said. "Are you hungry?"

"Not really. I had a big snack after we left the park."

The nanny hadn't been feeling well, so Elizabeth had sent her home after she'd brought Gavin home from school. They'd spent a few hours at a local park, longer than she'd intended, but time had gotten away from them.

It wasn't just that day, time, and days had been slipping by at an alarming speed. She'd already been at the Hartman home for a week, and Jason was departing for California Monday. After he returned, she'd be heading back to Colorado Springs. She'd still be on medical leave, but the week after that- if her recovery continued to be smooth- she could start back to work part-time.

"I'm still going to start you something," Elizabeth said. "It will be bedtime soon, and we need to get some food in you by then."

"Okay," Gavin said without looking up from his drawing.

Her phone rang, and she gave a little sigh of relief until she saw the caller ID. Johns Hopkins? She'd had another post-op appointment just days before. Her test results must have been really bad for them to call her at 8 pm on a Friday night.

"Hello, this is Elizabeth."

"Elizabeth Weir?" a woman asked.

"Yes. Is this about my test results?"

"Test results? No, my name is Sarah. I'm calling from the emergency room."

Her heart skittered against her ribs. Elizabeth stood and walked into the kitchen. "Is it Jason?"

"Mr. Hartman was in a serious car accident. He didn't have an emergency contact set up on his phone that we could access, but we found your name and number in his wallet. Are you family? I can't release information if you're not."

She didn't hesitate. "Yes. What is his condition?"

"I don't have the specifics on the extent of his injuries, they took him straight to surgery. He had abdominal swelling, and they suspect he was bleeding internally. "

"Oh my god. I'm…I'm on my way."

"It'll be a few hours before he's out of surgery. Take your time and drive safely, dear." Sarah gave her some basic instructions on parking and his location before disconnecting.

Elizabeth was trembling as she looked back into the living room, spotting Gavin content, happily drawing away. Her mind raced, and she made a snap decision.

She pulled up her phone and dialed. "Dave? It's Elizabeth. No, John's fine, but I was wondering if you could help me." She filled him in and finished by asking if she could drop Gavin off for the night.

"Of course. Do you want me to pick him up instead?"

"No, it's not that far out of the way. You should check with Valerie first, make sure she doesn't mind."

"Are you kidding? You're bringing entertainment for Mason. She'll be thrilled. Mason will be thrilled too. He had a friend that was supposed to sleep over, but he got sick and couldn't make it."

"You should check with her anyway. It's a lot, especially considering you have an eight-month-old."

"Okay, hold on." Dave came back on the line a moment later. "She said to pack him a swimsuit too. He can stay as long as you need. Hey, you'll finally get to meet our little Katelyn. I just wish it was under better circumstances."

"Me too." She hung up and headed towards the fridge, working quickly to pull together a dinner that Gavin could eat on the way.

~v~v~

The beeping of the medical equipment was grating on her nerves. So were the smell and the sounds of the hospital. She thought she'd gotten clear of that unpleasantness, but here she was, watching Jason lay unconscious in the hospital bed. He was bruised, cut, and bandaged, and wired up to every medical contraption she could imagine.

A dump truck had run a red light, and it had t-boned Jason's truck. He had a broken rib, ruptured lung and spleen, but the surgery had been successful, or so they thought.

The most dangerous injury was the one you couldn't see. The MRI had shown a cerebral edema, swelling of his brain. They'd put Jason in a medically induced coma, hoping to get him through the night. They'd take another scan the next day. If they were lucky, the intracranial pressure would have subsided. If not…hell, she didn't even want to think about it.

A nurse entered the room, checking the vitals, and fussing with his central line.

"You should go home," the nurse said. "We have your number. We'll contact you if anything happens."

"I'd like to stay if that's okay."

"Of course. The sofa pulls out and makes a bed. There's linen in the closest."

"Jason's things, are they-"

"In the closest as well."

"Including his phone?"

The nurse pulled out a large ziplock bag and inventoried the contents, finding Jason's wallet, some loose change, and his cell phone. "Yes, it's in here."

That was good. She knew Jason's password. She'd need to contact his parents, but it was after midnight. With Jason's father's condition, it would be better to wait until morning. It was hours earlier in Colorado Springs, though. There was one call she could make.

She fished her phone out of her purse and dialed. After ringing several times voice mail finally picked up. "Cameron. It's Elizabeth." She left the basic details and asked him to call her back.

She went back to Jason's side and took his hand. "We're going to get you through this, but you have to fight, understand?"

The nurse had said some movement from Jason was expected, advising her not to read too much into it. Her heart still surged as his hand tightened around her. She pushed the nurse's warnings away and squeezed back.

~v~v~

Johns t-shirt was soft beneath her fingers. The steady rhythm of his heart settled her nerves as she shook off the darkness of her dream. She stretched her arm around him and tightened her hold. Her nose tucked against his neck, inhaling, and drawing in the scent of his cologne. She inhaled again, realizing something was off. It was the body wash. When had John changed it? He'd used the same brand for the past four years. Her eyes flashed open.

"John?" She edged back, locking on Cameron's blue eyes. Everything came flooding back. The car crash. The hospital. She growled in frustration as she breathed in his cologne again. "What do they do, issue all Air Force personnel the same cologne now?"

Cam snorted in laughter. "I don't know about the cologne, but if you want to talk about continuity, I'm pretty sure all women come hard-wired for cuddling. You were out cold when I got here. I sat down to wait and within minutes you'd curled up around me." He rubbed his eyes. "I probably passed out not long after that."

Heat rushed her cheeks. "You should have woken me. Or moved me."

"I figured you needed the sleep, and I was afraid to move you. I didn't want to hurt your incision."

She nodded slowly, blinking as she fought to emerge the fog of sleep. After the late night, sleep wasn't releasing her from its clutches without a fight.

Someone cleared their throat, and Elizabeth glanced to the doorway, wincing as the overhead light brightened. "Simon?"

"Am I interrupting?" Simon asked.

Cameron lifted his arm from behind her back and casually ran his hand over his hair. She blinked again, realizing she was still nestled against him. She sat up and yawned. "What are you doing here?"

"One of the surgical nurses recognized you," Simon said. "She told me you were here. You should have called me. You're still recovering; you're not running at full strength. You shouldn't be alone."

"She called me," Cameron leaned forward, giving Simon a pointed look. "She wasn't alone."

She didn't have to make introductions. He'd met Simon weeks ago when she'd had her surgery.

"Has his surgeon made rounds yet this morning?" Simon asked.

She looked at Cameron, and he shrugged.

"We were asleep if he did," she said.

Simon's lips pressed together. "I'll go see what I can find out. You need anything?"

She shook her head, and Simon left the room.

"This Simon fellow," Cam said. "You two used to be more than friends?"

"A long, long time ago."

"Is he always that prickly when other men are around you?"

"What do you mean?" Simon was one of the nicest men she'd ever met. Maybe polite to a fault, she realized as Jason's words came back to her. "Maybe I have let him help me too much the past few weeks. I hope I didn't give him the wrong idea." Though, she knew Simon better than they did. She wasn't reading that kind of interest from him.

"I've seen you with him. You're not giving him the wrong idea, but he's putting off some strong vibes."

"What kind of vibes?"

"The expectant kind. The jealous kind."

She rubbed her temple. She wasn't buying it, and even if there was something she'd missed, Simon wasn't a priority. Jason was, as was his son. She reached across Cam and grabbed her phone. Not quite 7 am.

"I need to check on Gavin today," she said. "I took him to John's brother's house last night. He has a son Gavin's age."

"How's he holding up?"

"He doesn't know," she said feeling a sense of déjà vu. Just weeks before they'd had a similar conversation about John. "What do I tell him, Cam? He's so young."

The thought of Gavin's reaction choked her up, and her eyes grew watery. Cameron shifted sideways and pulled her into a hug.

"Let's see what the docs have to say," Cam said. "After that, I can go with you if you'd like. We can talk to him together."

"That would be..." she sighed rubbing her eyes again, "that would be great actually. Thank you."

"I found the surgeon." Simon walked back in the room. "He's -oh."

Elizabeth pulled out of Cameron's arms, ignoring his pointed look. "What about the surgeon?" she asked Simon.

"He hasn't made rounds yet. They're going to do a few more tests and run another MRI. If the swelling has reduced, they'll stop administering the drugs that are keeping him from waking up."

"So we're basically waiting for him to come and tell us to wait some more?" she asked.

"It's not his fault, Elizabeth," Simon said. "That's how this works. Slow and steady. They have to be smart about this. Brain injuries are tricky."

"I know. I'm sorry. Thank you for asking."

"I'll, uh, stop back by later." Simon's eyes darted from her to Cameron. "If that's okay."

Cameron nodded his head while giving her a discreet tap on the leg. She rolled her eyes at him. He and Jason were reading too much into this. Simon had always been more comfortable with a suit wearing, wine drinking kind of crowd. The gun-toting, muscled types, not so much. Jason and Cam made him nervous. That was all.

"Thanks, Simon," she said as he left. She stood up and stretched before grabbing her purse and sorting out her medicine.

"We haven't talked in a few days, everything still going okay with you?" Cam asked. He'd kept close tabs on her before and after surgery, and he'd continued to call after her release.

"I really didn't expect it to go this well, but so far, so good."

"Guess our line of work kind of inhibits the power of positive thinking. Oh, hey. I reached out to Carter," Cameron said. "Asked her to let Sheppard know. They were running some kind of long op, and he wasn't due to check in for 48 hours."

"Two days?"

"They were heading to some planet that was twelve hours from a space gate. They found something in the database. Looks like there was an outpost there at some point."

"An ancient outpost twelve hours away from the space gate? That doesn't sound like the Ancients."

"Carter thought they might have destroyed the gate during the war with the Wraith."

That was a distinct possibility. If they'd gone to that much effort, it would be worth investigating what type of work was being done there.

"They might return early, you never know. She'll tell him as soon as he does so he can get back."

"And then what? You'll have to go?" She frowned. "You should both be able to be here for Jason."

"Caldwell's not far out from Atlantis. He can hang out for a while, and Carter's there. It'll be fine."

She nudged his arm as a team of doctors entered the room, and Cam and Elizabeth turned their full attention to them.

~TBC.

I didn't expect to get this chapter ready so soon. Even better news, the next- and final- chapter is already drafted. I just need to let it sit for a few days before I start editing. It might be ready to post it in as soon as a week, two weeks' tops if life gets in the way. I'm hoping you'll find it worth the wait. Thanks for reading and to all of you who have left reviews.


	5. Chapter 5

It was Sunday before the swelling in Jason's brain subsided. The doctors stopped administering the medicine keeping him unconscious, and it took Jason one more day to wake up...but he did, and before that night had ended, he was already engaging in some halfhearted flirting with the nursing team. By the time Thursday rolled around, Jason's spirits had thoroughly rebounded. His body had some catching up to do, but if he remained stable for the next few days, he could be home as soon as Sunday.

Elizabeth was perched on the side of Jason's hospital bed when Cameron entered the room and crossed to stand before her.

He threw Jason a mischievous grin. "There's a new nurse on duty tonight. I told her all about you. She's looking forward to meeting you."

"Is she good looking?"

"Hey," Elizabeth tapped Jason on the leg. "Looks aren't everything. You supposed to ask if she's nice, smart, has a sense of humor. You know. Those kind of things."

"I'm not looking to meet the next Mrs. Hartman. I'm just laid up in this bed with nothing but Cam's ugly mug to look at."

"You've got me too," Elizabeth said.

"You're Sheppard's girl. I ain't allowed to look at you like that."

Her eyes widened as she glanced sideways at Cameron. "I'm not his girl."

"Don't mind Mitchell. We already had a long chat about you and Sheppard."

"Jason." Her eyes cast heavenward. Cam knowing wasn't the worst thing, but at the moment, there wasn't anything to know. She hadn't had a single message from John, even after he'd been told Jason's condition.

"What?" Jason asked. "It wasn't anything he didn't already suspect."

Cameron nudged her knee, frowning as he stared out the door.

"What is it?" she asked.

"I thought I saw…never mind." Cam's forehead crinkled. "I'm sure it was nothing."

"So little man's on his way?" Jason asked.

"Yes," she said. "He has school tomorrow, so I wanted to get him home early again." Dave had offered to bring him by the hospital, saving her the drive. It had been a teacher in-service day in the county, and Gavin had spent the day with Valerie and Mason. "I told him it would be a short visit. He'll crash early tonight after playing with Mason all day."

"You sure seeing me like this isn't upsetting him?"

She smiled. "You don't look as bad as you think."

"No? Think I look good?" Jason rubbed his chin. "It's the scruff isn't it?"

"I think it's more the being conscious and not drooling that's doing wonders for your look," Elizabeth teased.

"Daddy!" Gavin raced inside, scrambling to crawl onto the bed beside Elizabeth.

"Easy, Gavin," she warned. Not only was Jason still healing from internal injuries, he had a central line in and an assortment of monitors attached to his body.

Gavin managed an awkward hug with his dad, before leaning back against her. "Elizabeth said I can't stay long. It's a school day tomorrow."

"I've missed you, short stack," Jason said. "What'cha been doing today?"

"I got to go swimming, and we played laser tag. It was awesome."

Elizabeth craned her neck back, and waved Dave closer. "Come on in. I want to introduce you. Dave Sheppard, this is Jason Hartman."

"Thanks for helping out with my boy," Jason said as he extended a hand.

"Thanks for sharing him with us," Dave said. "My son's had a blast hanging out with him. Valerie wanted to know if she can pick him up after school tomorrow. There's some movie Mason and Gavin are wanting to see."

"Can I, please?" Gavin pleaded. "Tomorrow's Friday. It's not a school night."

"That's right. He can stay over if he wants," Dave said.

"It's fine with me if that works for Elizabeth," Jason said.

"That would be great, Dave. Thank you." She sighed softly as someone cleared their throat in the doorway. "Come on in, Simon," she said without looking back. She gave Jason and Cameron a stern look as they exchanged a glance and started chuckling.

Simon's posture seemed unusually rigid as she introduced him to Dave. She'd told Dave about her surgery days ago, so he'd already heard of Simon.

"I was just coming by to check on both of the patients," Simon said. "How is everyone?"

"I'm doing great, doc. Any chance you can spring me from this joint?" Jason asked.

"You just had major surgery. I don't think-"

"Simon, ignore him," Elizabeth said. "He knows he's not ready to leave."

"It's hard to stay put knowing a beautiful woman's sleeping under my roof tonight," Jason said, giving her a wicked wink. "Aren't you Lizzy?"

Simon's mouth dropped open, and Cameron's shoulders shook with silent laughter. A second later, Cameron's expression sobered. He tapped her knee and motioned behind her. "I'm sorry," he said softly. "I didn't know he was on the way."

"Sounds like I'm late to the party."

She knew that rough, gravelly voice. She took a deep, bracing breath as she glanced over her shoulder. John's expression was guarded. He seemed a little overdressed for the hospital. She and Cam were both in blue jeans and casual tops. John, on the other hand, had topped his blue jeans with a button down shirt and sports coat.

"Hey Shep," Cameron said. "All well at the homestead?"

"Pretty quiet at both," John said.

"You need to get that scientist friend of yours to hack the DOD and up my clearance," Jason said. "You're going to make me crazy listening to all the things you don't say."

"What scientist guy?" Cam asked.

"He met Rodney last year," John explained.

"You look awful snazzy," Jason said. "You get all dolled up for Lizzy?"

"The beautiful woman sleeping under your roof?" His brows raised. "Yeah. I heard that. I also heard you took a hell of a hit. Must be why you are saying crazy things, right?"

"That's a crappy way to great your friend," Dave scolded as he stepped out of the corner, rubbing sanitizer into his hands. "He's in the hospital if you hadn't noticed."

"Dave?" John did a double take, before stepping forward and hugging his brother. "What are you doing here?"

"I've been helping Elizabeth and Cameron with Gavin."

"Really?" John's scowl deepened. "Elizabeth and Cameron."

"John!" Gavin beamed when he saw him. "I've got so much to show you. You've got to come by our house tonight."

"I'm not sure I can make it tonight." John's eyes narrowed as they moved away from Gavin. He looked from Elizabeth to Cam, until Cam straightened and took a long step away from her.

She rubbed her temple, not understanding why John harbored so much misdirected jealously. He wasn't even speaking to her.

"You okay?" Cameron mouthed when John turned away.

She could only shrug in response. Her head was spinning, her heart was churning, and she was already mentally sorting through the exit routes plotting the best method of escape.

John turned his focus to the only man in the room he'd yet to address. "John Sheppard," he said as he extended a hand towards Simon.

"Simon Wallace."

John's hand jerked back before Simon could shake it. She swallowed hard and stepped down from the bed. This wasn't the time or place for hashing out whatever was going on between them, but she just couldn't sit around and watch him scowl at everyone either. Seeing the strength of the anger within him made it hurt to breathe.

"Gavin, get your things together. We should get you home." It was already 6:30. It would be a challenge to get everything and get him into bed by 8:30. "You have a lot to do before bedtime, and your father needs some rest." She turned her eyes to Cameron. "Are you coming with us?"

Cameron shook his head. "I'll stick around a while. Keep this tough guy company." He playfully jabbed Jason lightly on the arm. "Plus, I want to see the look on his face when he meets his new nurse." He held up a hand to block Jason's view. "She's at least sixty," he mouthed.

"He'll be heartbroken," she murmured in response.

"I'll walk you out, Elizabeth," Simon said as Gavin hugged his father goodbye.

Jason's expression was fierce as his eyes swung from Elizabeth to John. "You've got to be shitting me, Sheppard. You're not even going to say hello to her? I know, I know," he waved as Gavin started to pipe up. "Cuss jar. I owe you one."

"Jason, you just need to focus on getting yourself better. Don't worry about anything else." She leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "Take it easy on the nurses and try to behave while I'm gone."

"Thanks, darling," Jason said. "No promises."

"You're all talk, Jason. Knowing you, you'll fall asleep halfway through _The Outlaw Josey Wales_."

"And you'll fall asleep during _Despicable Me_."

"I can vouch for that," Cameron said.

She forced a soft laugh. "True most nights, but not when I'm tasked with the sole care of a five-year-old."

The nanny had come down with a severe cold so Elizabeth had been taking care of Gavin that week, though Cameron had been a huge help, especially late at night. They'd been able to tag team and entertain Gavin, keeping him distracted from worrying over his father. Even with Cam's help, all the back and forth between the hospital, Jason's school, and Dave's house had drained her energy, and she hadn't been running at a hundred percent in the first place.

"Exactly how long have I been gone?" John asked. "Everyone seems awful cozy."

Almost four weeks. That's how long he'd been gone, and this certainly wasn't the reunion she'd had in mind. She bit down on her lip, steeling her resolution not to engage. John made it easy for her, turning his head away as she walked towards the door.

"John seems like he's in a bad mood," Gavin said in an exaggerated whisper. "Do you think he's been missing his bedtime? Maybe he needs to drink more milk. He's not mad at me, is he?"

"Of course not, Gavin," she said. "Who could be mad at you? You're probably right. He probably just needs a good night sleep, and I'm sure he'll be good as new."

She stopped right behind John, stretching up on her toes to speak softly into his ear. "I don't know why you're angry with me, but don't take it out on them. I know you. You're better than this. Be here for Jason. He doesn't show it, but he needs his friends."

John hung his head and rubbed a hand down his neck. She caught just a glimpse of his face as she moved on, and she wasn't sure she'd ever seen him so conflicted before.

"Goodbye," Simon waved as they headed for the door, but the others didn't seem to notice.

"See what I mean?" Jason asked. "He's being an ass, and she still stood up for him to my kid. Pretty sure she called Sheppard out on it too."

"They get in a fight?" Dave dropped his voice, but it still carried.

"It's none of your business," John said.

"Something happened, but I can't get any details out of her," Jason said.

She glanced back as John stepped closer to the bed. "You might be awake," John said, "but you look like hell, Hartman."

"Nice try. Dog with a bone here; you can't distract me," Jason said. "So tell me, why are you being an ass?"

"Me? Why the hell is Simon here? And why is he calling her all the time? It's weird, right?"

"It's weird," Jason said.

"And obvious," Cam said.

"He's a doctor." Dave sounded confused. "Why wouldn't he be here? He's worked with Jason's and Elizabeth's surgeons."

"What are you talking about?" John asked. "Elizabeth didn't have surgery. Jason did."

Elizabeth's heart seized. She paused in the doorway and turned back, but the others seemed oblivious to her presence.

Dave's brows drew together. "Yes, she-"

Cameron coughed loudly and shook his head at Dave. Dave's eyes widened, but he let it drop. "Does it even matter why he was here?" Dave asked. "Do you have any idea how much she's helped Jason while you've been off doing…whatever it is you do? He's your friend, right?"

"I'm her friend too," Jason said, giving John a pointed look. "No matter what."

"Why is everyone so pissed at me?" John asked. "I just traveled from…I traveled a hell of a long way to be here. Jackson and Dr. Lam were giving me the stink eye on base, Mitchell's scowling at me, and you two are both giving me an earful. What the hell is going on?"

"You and Elizabeth are two of the stupidest smart people I've ever met," Cameron said. "You're almost as bad as Jack and Sam."

"Who is Jack and Sam?" Jason asked. "Anything like Jack and Diane?"

"Great song," Dave said, the cadence and timber of his voice sounding eerily like his brother.

"She's pregnant," John snapped. "Okay? It isn't mine."

"What makes you think that?" Dave asked.

"Someone she told let it slip. All the signs were there, I just didn't want to see it. She's been evasive, tired. Eating healthy and skipping alcohol."

Her heart leapt into her throat as she flashed back to the night at the bar. Her careless words when she'd told the bartender she couldn't drink, his congratulations that she hadn't understood. He'd spoken to John after that, patting him on the arm, probably echoing the same sentiment of congratulations.

"Stop looking at me. I've only been under the same roof as her the past five nights." Cam pointed at Jason. "She's been shacked up at this one's house for almost two weeks."

"What the hell, man?" Jason smacked Cam with a pillow. "That's not cool. You know why she was at my place."

"You have to admit, it's kind of funny, though," Cam said. "Shep's got his head all out of whack. I've never seen him like this. His eyes are throwing darts at every man in spitting distance of Elizabeth."

"Why has she been here that long? Hasn't she been working?" John asked.

"Sheppard, you nitwit," Jason sighed. "She's not pregnant. She's-"

Cameron coughed loudly again.

Jason hissed in frustration. "You need to talk to your girl."

"She's not my girl."

"She said the same thing," Jason said.

"I heard," John growled.

"Well, if you don't fix this soon," Jason said, "she might start to actually believe it."

"What do you want me to do?"

"Talk to her," Jason said. "Somewhere under all that anger, you should know better than to doubt her."

John's shoulders slumped, and he threw up a hand. "Fine."

"Great. Now that's out of the way, I got to tell you. Those were some potent drugs they had me on," Jason said. "I had dreams that Lizzy and Shaft were talking about space gates and a wreath war. Can you imagine that? I was having some psychedelic vision of cartoon Christmas wreath's with red bows duking it out in space on some fancy wrought iron gates."

John blanched, but Cameron quickly recovered. "You'll have to tell Gavin about that," Cam said. "He'll be digging out his green and red crayons before you finish the story."

Jason threw his head back as he laughed, catching sight of Elizabeth in the process. She held a finger to her lips, then gave a little wave as she backed out of the room.

"I can't tell him that," Jason said. "He'll think his old man has lost it."

"What else is new?" John said.

Simon and Gavin had made it to the end of the hall before noticing she wasn't with them. They spotted her moving towards them and paused long enough for her to catch up. She straightened Gavin's backpack and took his hand as they turned into a more congested corridor.

"So. Um, I hope this isn't awkward," Simon said, "but I've been wanting to ask you…are you still in touch with Rebecca Stevens?"

She tilted her head, raising a brow towards him. "Yes. She got divorced last year."

"I'd heard. Anyway, I was wondering if you maybe had her phone number? A year's long enough to wait to ask her out, don't you think?"

"I do. Is that how long you've been waiting to ask me for her number?" She smiled when he blushed. "I'll text it to you tonight."

"Great. I, uh, I wasn't sure if we'd reached that point or not, but I've heard John's name mentioned a lot these past weeks, and after meeting him, it seemed clear you have moved on."

Her smile faded. "You might have also noticed he wasn't talking to me."

"All couples have disagreements. He obviously still cares. He refused to shake my hand. There's only one reason he would do that."

"There's been… a misunderstanding. We just need to sort some things out."

She wasn't sure where her optimism came from. John certainly hadn't given her any shards of hope to grasp at. It was odd though, after coming through the surgery, as her strength returned, so had her faith. Somewhere within her was a core of pure certainty. She didn't know what would come next for them, and it might be a rocky road to reconciliation, but she knew he would always play a prominent role in her life.

"Is he a good man?" Simon asked. "Good to you? He wasn't with you before the surgery."

"He was…deployed," she said.

"He had a secret mission," Gavin chimed in. "How cool is that?"

"He's military? Air Force like Jason and Cameron?" The corners of Simon's eyes crinkled as she nodded.

"Yes."

"Which button again?" Gavin asked as he bounded onto the elevator. "I forgot."

"G. Ground floor," Elizabeth said, making a mental note to have Gavin use hand sanitizer when they reached the car.

"You're involved with a soldier who goes on secret missions," Simon mused. "You've changed so much over the years. I hardly recognize you at times."

"You make that sound like a bad thing."

"No. It's a good thing. Your friends make me a little nervous, but I have to say, I've come to like them, even if they are suspicious of my motives. They seem overly protective of you."

Jason and Cameron had both been kind of adorably obnoxious. It was like they were making sure no one was making a play in John's absence. It probably should have bothered her more that Cameron knew more than he should, but things that were worries before, somehow seemed less important now that she was on the other side of her surgery.

"You realize you didn't help, right?" Elizabeth laughed softly when Simon's face crumpled in confusion. "You seemed upset every time you saw them around me."

"Only because they seemed to be, how do I saw, jostling? Over you."

"They were doing it on purpose. They knew it would get a rise out of you."

"Oh."

Gavin not so helpfully clarified. "They thought you had a crush on her."

Elizabeth rolled her eyes as they exited the elevator. "I probably need to call Rebecca myself. I need a few more female friends around to balance out all the testosterone."

"What's testoster…testosteroni? Is it like pepperoni?" Gavin asked.

She exchanged an amused glance with Simon. "I'll let you talk to your father about that," she said.

They stopped as they reached the front door, and Simon gave her a loose hug. "Elizabeth, whatever is going on with you and John, I hope you work it out."

She pulled away. "Me too."

"Me three," Gavin said. "He makes great s'mores."

~v~v~

Gavin had played hard that day, and she'd noticed on the drive home that he was growing tired and grumpy. She'd only seen him melt down once or twice in the past, and it had always been when he was overtired. Now he wasn't just exhausted, but his heart was heavy with worry for his father as well. It was a double whammy for his little body. She'd tried to rush him through dinner and a bath, but it had only made things worse, and everything had ended up taking twice as long, something an experienced mother probably would have known to avoid. She'd done the best she could, but it was well past his normal bedtime, and she'd yet to tuck him in.

He wasn't the only one tired. She'd been napping each day in between visiting Jason and ferrying Gavin around. Most days, it allowed her to bank enough extra energy to see her well beyond Gavin's bedtime before she crashed for the night. Running into John had zapped any extra strength she had, and now she was bone weary. While Gavin changed into his PJ's, she changed into a tank and pajama pants and took her second daily dose of anti-rejection medicine before heading back to Gavin's room.

She turned on his bedside lamp and flicked off the overhead light before heading towards his bookshelf. "What story tonight?" she asked as he got under the covers.

He frowned and rubbed his eyes. "I don't know. I don't have anything good."

"We could just talk for a few minutes. Hash out our next storyline for Bandit," she suggested.

"I guess."

She sat down on the bed, and his lower lip was starting to tremble when she pulled him into her arms. "It's okay, Gavin." She kissed the top of his head. "Everything's going to be all right."

"There are still so many wires attached to him."

"We talked about that. Remember Cameron telling you about his plane crash? How scared his mom was when she visited him? Cam's fine now, and your dad will be too."

"I just want him home with me." His whole body shook as he burst into tears.

She held him and let him cry it out. She offered reassurances and made comforting noises, but the combination of fear and exhaustion had taken a toll on his little body. As his whimpering faded, she resettled them and laid down alongside him.

A thought came crashing in, and she scolded herself for not thinking of it earlier. "Hey, Gavin, would you like to spend some time with your grandparents this weekend?" She'd only met them once, that's all they'd managed to visit during Jason's time in the hospital.

He shook his head. "No. We don't see them very often. Nana's always distracted with Papa. He's lost his memories. He gets lost a lot, sometimes in their own house. Could we visit your mom instead?" He brightened.

"I'm sure she'd love that," she said.

"She makes great cookies. The house smelled so yummy when she was here."

He'd gotten to know her mother when she'd been in the hospital, but she'd also helped Elizabeth out by picking him up from Dave's one night that week, bringing him to the hospital to visit his father, then taking him home to start dinner before Elizabeth and Cam had come home.

"Elizabeth?" He sniffed. "I'm really glad you're here."

"I'll always be there for you."

"You really don't know why John's so mad at you?"

"Grownups sometimes have misunderstandings." Even though she now knew why John was mad, she could hardly tell Gavin the truth. "Trust me, we'll figure it out. No matter what happens, John will always be here for you too. Don't forget that."

"I just don't like it when you're sad. Being sad sucks."

She laughed softly. "Yes. It does."

He grabbed her hand when she started to pull away, tugging it back around his side. "Will you stay with me until I fall asleep?"

"Of course I will."

He burrowed against her, wiggling around as he settled into a more comfortable position. It reminded her of Sedge when he'd been a puppy, feeling the gentle soul snuggling up against her.

There was a flicker in the shadows, and she glanced up. Her heart skipped a beat when she registered John's form leaning against the doorway. He didn't say anything, he just watched as Gavin's breathing grew heavy, and he fell asleep.

Minutes ticked by as John stood there. Gavin twisted and turned in his sleep, inching his way down the bed until his head was pillowed against her stomach.

A few minutes later, Gavin had stilled, but John still hadn't moved. She took a leap of faith and patted the mattress behind Gavin. John slowly crossed the room, still wearing the jacket and dress shirt he'd had on in the hospital. He laid down on the bed, stretching out behind Gavin. Their eyes locked as his head settled against the pillow.

His lips pressed together as he shifted onto his side to face her. She could practically feel the energy he was exerting as he fruitlessly clawed to find the right words.

"I'm not, you know," she whispered. When his forehead crumpled in confusion, she sighed and continued. "I'm not pregnant."

His eyes widened. "You heard that?" His deep voice rasped so low, she had to strain to hear him.

He'd already been beaten up enough by their friends. Making him feel guilty wouldn't do them any good. They'd wasted enough time. She just wanted them to learn from this and move on.

"It's okay, John. I have a pretty good idea where that came from. I told the bartender I had a medical condition, and that's why I couldn't drink. He said something to you, didn't he?"

He nodded, blowing out a deep breath as his fingers came up, threading into her hair. She wasn't sure what she'd been expecting, but he shocked her by leaning over Gavin and capturing her lips with his own. It was a soft, lingering kiss, somehow tinged with guilt and regret.

"I'm sorry, Elizabeth." He kissed her again. "I'm so sorry." His hand closed around her hip, and she hissed in pain as his thumb stretched out, digging into her abdomen.

Gavin's eyes flashed open. "Stop it." He shoved John's hand away. "You can't do that. Her stitches were on that side. You have to be careful."

John yanked up the hem of her shirt, giving a strangled gasp as he saw the still red and angry twelve-inch scar from the stitches that had curved around her abdomen. He recoiled as if he'd been burned, jerking backward, and rolling out of bed.

Her heart fell as he strode into the darkness.

Gavin rubbed his eyes. "You should go talk to him. Daddy's rule. No one goes to bed grumpy."

"It's a good rule." But It would probably be best if she gave John a minute to collect himself. She hadn't heard the front door, so she knew he was still in the home. "I'll stay here until you fall back asleep."

"Then promise you'll talk to him?"

"I promise." She stretched and grabbed the stuffed animal puppy he'd named Sedge. He snatched it from her hands, wrapping his arms around it and pulling it tight against his chest.

~v~v~

Gavin was sleeping soundly when she finally sought John out, finding him in the living room slumped back in an overstuffed chair. He averted his eyes as she walked softly across the floor, the sleek wood planks cool against her bare feet. She didn't greet him or wait for his permission, she just crawled into the chair with him, settling sideways upon his lap. Her shoulder lodged under his, and she stretched her free arm across his chest and started talking.

His rigid muscles relaxed and his arms curled around her as she spoke, confiding everything she'd held back and everything she'd experienced the past month. His eyes were glistening by the time she concluded.

"I'm so sorry, John. I should have told you a long time ago."

"Don't apologize." His fingers trailed along her jawline. "I knew. I knew something was wrong. I was just too afraid to ask. Then that stupid bartender congratulated me because you were expecting. It was just after Simon called and I…took it badly. That's an understatement, I guess."

"You knew I hadn't seen Simon in any kind of timeline for that to be possible."

"Then I saw Daniel's arm around you. He'd just been on Atlantis a few months before."

"You should have known better than that. You should have trusted me."

"What was there to trust?" he asked. "We'd never made any promises to each other."

"Maybe not with words, but in a million different ways, every day we did."

"I convinced myself I'd imagined it all." He sighed heavily. "You should have pushed me. You're usually pretty good about letting me know when I have my head in my ass. Like tonight." He managed a soft smile.

"You were a little busy that night. It didn't seem like my interruption would be welcome."

His forehead furrowed. "I'm not following."

"Walter's birthday. That girl at the bar."

"What girl?"

"You were talking to her when I left."

His expression relaxed. "That was Major Kincaid's new wife. Kincaid was standing right next to us. She told me all about how he got food poisoning and threw up all over their server in Hawaii. Sounds like they had a crappy honeymoon."

"Oh my god." She rubbed her temple. "We really are making ourselves crazy."

John cradled the side of her face. "How do we fix that?"

"I know you have some vision of the ideal way things with us unfold, but I don't need dates in fancy restaurants or flowers."

"What do you need?"

"You." She leaned in and kissed him softly. "This."

"Then I'm yours." He brushed back her hair. "Always was. Always will be."

Emotion surged through her. It felt like a million tiny bubbles of light, hope, and love had swelled within her chest, making it almost uncomfortably tight. He kissed her again, but a noise upstairs drove them apart, away from the passionate kiss she'd been seeking after hearing his words.

"What is it?" he asked.

"I thought I heard something. Gavin was upset earlier. Do you mind if we go back upstairs?" she asked. "I want to be able to hear him if he wakes up."

He took off his sports coat, laying it over the chair before following her upstairs. They paused in the doorway of Gavin's room, finding him sleeping soundly.

"Must have been the house settling," she said.

"Or a neighbor's car. I thought I heard a door slam as we came up." John's chest pressed against her back, and his arm curled loosely around her as he carefully avoided her stitches. "You're good with him."

"He's a great kid. He makes it easy."

"Is that something you want in your future?"

Her heart skittered. There was one thing she'd forgotten to tell him. "John-"

"I could see that. See us with a Gavin or two."

Her eyes grew teary as she turned within the circle of his arms. "I wanted this so much- wanted us- that I didn't think about what you'd be giving up to be with me."

"What are you talking about?"

"There will be issues with our jobs."

"If this is about chain of command-"

"You wouldn't be in violation of protocol, but I would be. There is a non-fraternization clause is my contract."

"Seriously?" John looked stricken, but he quickly shook it off. "So? They don't know everything that goes on in Atlantis anyway. They don't need to know."

"No, they don't, but if we wanted more, marriage wouldn't be an option. And I…" She paused as he wiped a tear from her eye. "I can't have children. Carrying a child would be too much for my body."

He pulled her into his arms. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth." His embrace was loose, he was being cautious with her healing incision, but she could still feel the heat of his skin, the soft strumming of his heart.

"I don't want you to miss out on those things because of me," she said.

"I don't need marriage," he said. "I need you. As for kids, I would have been up for it if that's what you wanted, but I…I don't know."

She pulled back, resting her hand on his chest. "It almost seems irresponsible? At least while we're on Atlantis."

"Yeah." His lips mashed together. "We kind of have our hands full as is it. I actually already kind of feel like a parent most days."

"I'm familiar with the feeling." She bit down on her lip, trying to reign in her smile. There were still many times John made that list, but those moments had lessened over the years, and she'd come to savor the glimpses of the less hardened man she'd first fallen in love with. Maybe that's why she loved seeing him with Gavin so much. She realized John's heart rate had spiked. "You okay?"

"I just realized we went from not speaking to discussing marriage and children in the same day."

She winced. "Sorry. My fault." She rubbed her head, wondering what the hell was the matter with her. Even tired as she was, she should have known better than to go there. "Here you were talking about dating, and I'm running towards the end zone."

"End zone?" he laughed.

"That's what they call it in football right? I was going for the metaphor. What is it? The goal line?"

"They both work." He pulled up her hand, pressing a kiss to the soft flesh of her wrist.

She swiveled back around as she heard Gavin rustle in the sheets. They'd been whispering, but despite her fear, they hadn't woken the little boy. His arms tightened around his stuffed animal, and his body stilled again.

"I'm the one who brought up kids. I'm just as guilty as you are," John said. "I might not need a marriage certificate, but I need the promise."

"What do you mean by promise?"

"I'm was thinking something a little beyond the end zone."

She felt him digging in his pocket. "Something like what?"

"Something like always." He swept her hair aside, and she felt the cool brush of metal as he secured a chain around her neck. "I need to know we're both in this for the long haul."

"What's this?" She spun around, lifting the necklace, expecting to find a charm or locket, but instead, a diamond ring came into view. Her heart skipped a beat. "John?"

"I didn't know about your employment contract, but I kind of figured that's how the marriage conversation would go. The chain is long. No one will see the ring under your shirt."

He pulled his dog tags out of his pocket and held them up to her view. "That promise goes both ways."

She didn't see it at first, but as they swayed, her eyes finally telescoped down to the men's wedding band dangling between the identification tags.

She must have been silent too long because his next words came in a rush. "If it's too much, too soon, or you hate the idea-"

"It's perfect," she breathed. "When did you do this?" She took the dog tags from his hands and ran her thumb across the cool metal of the ring.

"When Hartman was in Colorado Springs. He came with me. It was that night you took Gavin for ice cream without us."

She blinked as the pieces fell together. "So that dinner we were supposed to have…"

"I had a little more than a dinner in mind." His head dropped. "I think that's why I lost my mind when the bartender congratulated me."

She couldn't imagine being in his shoes. Hearing the bartender's words when he'd been a night away from offering up his heart. Dog tags still in hand, she grasped his head, dragging his gaze back to her. There were so many things that still needed to be said, but when their eyes locked a different need surged to the forefront.

Their lips crashed together, and she finally got the heated kiss she'd been craving. Any remaining traces of guilt or regret burned away as their lips parted, and their kiss deepened. His back struck the doorframe as she pushed closer. While he was in command of their kiss, he let her take the lead with their bodies, allowing her to control the intensity of their embrace, and the alignment of their bodies melding together. She shifted sideways, keeping the pressure off her tender side while losing herself to his kiss. His mouth worked against hers with bone-tingling intensity. Every brush of his lips, every sweep of his tongue, stoked the fire between them, drudging up something elemental and primal, and she never wanted to let go.

A sharp whistling drove them apart. "Looks like I'm just in time, Elizabeth." Cams's voice cut through the darkness. "To quote Jason, doc said no hanky panky for five weeks. You got one more week to go. Hartman told me to remind you. He thought you might forget if Shep busted out the rings."

John's neck snapped back. "Mitchell, what if I hadn't-"

"Easy, man. I can see that rock glistening on her neck from here."

She shushed them both and stepped closer to Cam so she didn't have to whisper so softly. "You understand this can't be known."

"Goes without saying. I have a little experience with the fraternization clauses in the civilian contracts at the SGC. Anyway, I thought rings generally went on the finger, but congratulations on whatever that means. Have to say, doc's orders or not, I'm happy I'm not sleeping under the same roof as you two. I'm just here to grab my things."

"You're leaving?" Elizabeth asked.

"Catching the red-eye. Landry wants me back."

John's fingers laced through her own. "Does that mean I-"

"Landry wants you back at the SGC Monday. I'll head out for Atlantis then. You've still got a few days." Cam disappeared into the master bedroom.

"What about you?" John asked her. "When were you heading back to Colorado Springs?"

"I was planning to leave this weekend, but I'm only returning to work part-time, and it will still be remotely. I can do that from here, at least until Jason's back on his feet."

"So we're already looking at another week apart." His lips pressed together.

"We still have a few days," she said. "And it can't be as hard as the last weeks have been."

Cameron stepped back into the hall with his overnight bag in hand. "You guys let me know if anything changes."

"I will," Elizabeth said.

"I'll walk Mitchell out," John said. "I need to grab my bag from the car. You going to hang out here?"

"I'll be in the guest bedroom." It was across the hall and a door down from Gavin's room. She'd also moved the child monitor in there, so she'd hear him if he woke.

Cameron waved towards her. "I'd hug you goodbye, but I'm not sure if Sheppard's recovered enough for that yet."

"Funny," John squeezed her hand and headed after Cameron.

"Yet, I notice you didn't correct me," Cam said, laughing as John scowled at him.

"You want me hugging Carolyn each time I leave the infirmary?" John asked.

"Maybe you should aim to avoid the infirmary in the first place. And I never said it was Carolyn."

"Yeah, right. Then why do you end up in the infirmary so much?"

Their banter drifted up the stairs as they left her line of sight.

She flipped off the light in the guest bedroom before crawling into bed. She hadn't completely closed the curtains, and a sliver of moonlight cut through the room, casting a soft warm light.

She'd fallen asleep by the time John made it back upstairs. She stirred, rolling onto her side as the bed dipped. John tucked in behind her, pressing his chest tight against her back. She could tell by the softness of the fabric against her skin that he'd changed into a t-shirt and jogging shorts.

"Sorry," she murmured. "I know it's early for bed, I'm just not running at a hundred percent yet."

"Don't apologize." His hand slid gently down her side. "Most people would consider this a normal bedtime. Besides, I can't think of a better way to spend the night besides lying in bed next to you."

As well as she knew John, that night had exposed a whole other side of him. Before that day, it would have been a stretch to imagine him uttering most of the words that had rolled off his lips that night, but it was the ease with which he said them that surprised her the most.

He swept her hair away from her neck. "You still have the necklace on. I don't usually sleep with my chain on."

"I really wouldn't want you to. The dog tags would just be a reminder of things I'd rather not think about at night. I just didn't want to take mine off."

"So. I was thinking. Something you said has been bothering me." He pressed a kiss against her neck. "You said you didn't want me to give up marriage and kids because you couldn't have those things. You didn't say you didn't want them."

It took her sleepy mind a moment to process what he was asking. "I think when I committed to Atlantis, I knew I'd be sacrificing some things."

"I think you've sacrificed enough. I think we both have."

She held back a sigh. "There's not much I can do about that."

"That's where I disagree. If you want the wedding ceremony, you tell me when and where. Whether it's legal or symbolic, I'll be there, no matter what the consequences."

"Our family would think we were crazy if we had a wedding without legally getting married."

"They'd get over it. It only matters how we feel about it. We've spent enough time in Pegasus to have a perspective they'll never understand. None of the Athosians have a marriage certificate on file at some city hall, but it doesn't make their union any less real in our eyes."

She sucked in a deep breath, wondering why she'd never thought of that before. "You're right."

"As for kids, there's no reason we couldn't adopt one day. There's surrogacy too. And if there's anything else on that list of things you think you can't have but want, I need to know about it."

Warmth pooled deep within her heart. She took his hand, twining her fingers through his own and pulling their knitted hands in close to her chest. "And you think you can make it all happen?"

"I'll do everything I can, give everything that I have to make you happy."

She blinked rapidly as tears rushed her eyes. "So would I for you." She wondered if he had any idea how his words impacted her, how he'd patched the cracks in her heart.

It struck her that while John had pointed out the oddity of them going from not talking to making promises of forever, it suddenly seemed more bizarre to realize one of the most important things had gone unsaid. Like she'd told John earlier, they'd expressed that promise, that sentiment, in a million different ways every day, but neither one had dared utter the words. It was long past time she changed that.

She shifted, rolling onto her onto her back, and their eyes locked together. A lump welled up in her throat, and her words emerged as little more than a cracked whisper. "I love you."

The look in his eyes tore at her heart, making her wish she'd had the nerve to tell him long before.

"I love you too." He leaned down, and their lips melded into a soft, simmering kiss.

"We've been talking an awful lot about me," she said when their lips parted. "What about you? What else do you want in your future?"

"Just you. Atlantis as long as they'll have us."

She smiled and reach up, cradling the side of his face with her palm. "There has to be something else."

"I want you to be in good health." He brushed back one of her curls. "Beyond that, I've never needed much in life, but if I'm being selfish, I wouldn't mind adding a honeymoon of some sort to that list one day."

"You and me both." She laughed softly until he silenced her with another kiss.

"Oh, and shared quarters on Atlantis," John said. "I've got an idea about how we can make that happen without all the nosy busybodies figuring it out."

Somehow she wasn't surprised. He'd been a few steps ahead of her for a long time, she just hadn't been able to see it. Before the surgery, her health had been rapidly deteriorating. It had impacted her mental health, and her doctors had diagnosed her with mild depression. Her diminished physical and mental health had impacted her perspective on many things, fueling her unsupported fears of telling John what she was going through. It would have saved them so much heartache had she been able to see clearly, but like so many things, they'd overcome those obstacles in the end, just as they always had, and as she knew they always would.

Gavin's cough echoed through the monitor, and John pressed a kiss to her forehead. "Stay here. Get some rest. I'll check on him."

She settled back onto her side, taking her chain in hand. She fell back asleep as her thumb traced the band of the diamond ring. For the first time in years, her dreams didn't focus on the nightmares of the past. Instead, they showed her the promise of the future.

~v~v~

The end.

I hope you enjoyed! I have this little problem of racing them toward marriage and kids in everything I write, but realize everyone's happy ending has a different shape. I'll let you fill in the blanks yourself. You can decide where the future took this version of John and Elizabeth.

Thanks for reading and for taking the time to leave reviews. See you out there!


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